


No One Wants to Die Alone

by arcadie, Kyluxtrashpit (ApostateRevolutionary)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Assassination Attempt(s), Bickering, Cuddling & Snuggling, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Forced Proximity, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Major Illness, Plague, Reluctant Bonding, Sickfic, Touch-Starved, Vulnerability, death of unnamed subordinates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-17 21:04:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 30,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16981770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcadie/pseuds/arcadie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApostateRevolutionary/pseuds/Kyluxtrashpit
Summary: Frustrated with Hux’s continued, untraceable assassination attempts, despite trying everything to make his new Grand Marshal happy and make amends, Kylo drags Hux and only Hux on an unnecessary mission to some awful, swampy backwater planet as revenge. When they return, though, the symptoms of an unknown, serious disease land them both in the same quarantine room in the medbay, as well as spreads to some of the crew. They quickly learn that it’s hard to go through a near death experience with someone without getting closer to them in the process.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here we are at last! I'm so excited to share this with you all, you don't even know. It took months, but I am incredibly proud of this piece and I hope you enjoy it too
> 
> Also featuring absolutely stunning art by my wonderful partner mirlolo (on both [tumblr](http://mirlolo.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](http://twitter.com/mirlolo/)) which I have been screaming about since I recieved the first sketch, honestly
> 
> This fic IS complete and chapters will be posted every couple of days for the convenience of both myself and you, the reader

The door beeped, informing Kylo that the droid that brought his breakfast had arrived. He opened the door with a wave of his hand, letting the droid in to place the tray on his desk. Kylo frowned at the meal; it looked fine, but he knew that didn’t necessarily mean anything.

“Wait here,” Kylo told the droid, pulling a scanner he’d appropriated out of a drawer and pointing it at his meal.

He’d been in power for a few months now and while he’d expected some growing pains, he hadn’t been fully prepared, it seemed. The number of poisoned meals, malfunctioning equipment in his immediate vicinity, and other dangerous ‘coincidences’ involving or nearly involving his person were simply too many to be acceptable. Of course, he knew who was behind them all, even if he’d never found proof; there was only one person who had the ability and the audacity to try this hard.

Kylo was self-aware enough to realize how badly he’d fucked up with Hux, but he’d done his best to make amends. He’d given Hux the promotion he’d wanted, included a glowing review of Hux in his inauguration speech, and even gone against his own instincts and left Hux mostly to his own devices rather than keeping an eye on him at all times. Yet weeks had passed and the assassination attempts continued unhindered.

The scanner beeped, signifying it had the results. Kylo let out a deep breath as he read the readout on the screen, immediately frowning when the words registered. His food had been laced with the essence of a rare plant, one that was infamous for being all but untraceable once it was ingested. It was a popular tool of assassins, known for killing targets within four hours of consumption, and its cultivation and trade had been heavily restricted under the Republic.

Kylo put the scanner down a little too hard, catching the attention of the droid again. “I need to check your memory banks.”

* * *

The droids memory banks yielded nothing and neither the security cameras nor some relatively gentle questioning of the cooks while they prepared a fresh meal netted any results. Even through the Force, it was clear no one knew anything about how a rare, tightly controlled, lethal plant extract had made it into the Supreme Leader’s breakfast. The cooks had a least been apologetic, groveling on their knees, but that didn’t actually fix the problem.

Kylo was on his way to Hux’s quarters before he’d even fully decided to go there. This needed to stop and Kylo didn’t know how he could make that happen aside from actually dying or killing Hux, neither of which he had any intention of doing. He’d given Hux everything he could think of to make him happy and still Hux made attempts on his life. What more could he do?

Playing nice had gotten him nowhere, but he didn’t want to go back to that short time between Snoke’s death and returning from Crait either. What he truly wanted was a more… amicable relationship with Hux, something more cooperative than they had now, but that was clearly impossible. Perhaps there was a middle route, one where he could punish Hux for every attempt without actually causing him harm.

An idea had coalesced by the time he arrived at the door to Hux’s quarters, opening it with a hand gesture and not bothering to knock. Kylo didn’t have to anymore and he had no interest in being polite to the man who’d poisoned his breakfast not for the first time. He’d been polite for long enough.

Hux at least had the decency to look innocently surprised as he glanced up from his datapad, as if the only cause was the door opening unexpectedly and not also the confirmation that his plan had failed once again. Kylo kept his face straight, as cold and flat as he could manage, a skill he’d been trying to learn as quickly as he could in the recent weeks. He knew Hux could most likely see through it, having mastered that skill presumably at birth, but Kylo tried all the same.

“Supreme Leader, what can I do for you?” Hux asked, somehow looking entirely unperturbed.

“We’re leaving. Now,” Kylo ordered, giving Hux no chance to argue or himself a chance to change his mind. “We have a mission to complete.”

Hux blinked three times in rapid succession. “Where are we going, if I may ask?”

“Not important. And don’t bother packing anything; I don’t anticipate it will take long,” Kylo said, hoping he was correct.

He should have been, at least. There was an artifact he was going to send one of his Knights to retrieve from a poor, swampy backwater planet. It wasn’t tremendously important, just something he wanted to collect for study, but the location was unpleasant in ways he knew Hux would absolutely loathe. It was a weak punishment for treason, Kylo knew, but it would work well enough for his purposes.

Hux’s face flashed with anger; he looked ready to spit venom, but only for a few moments. “Do I need a weapon, Supreme Leader?”

Kylo considered it; he didn’t like Hux armed, but Hux was just as dangerous without, and Kylo did want him to remain alive. “Bring your blaster, just in case. And your comm.”

Hux nodded, the rage in his eyes betraying the blankness of his features, and then he shut off the datapad and stood, gesturing for Kylo to lead the way. Kylo turned without saying anything more, still irritated, though the prospect of revenge, no matter how petty, helped a little. He didn’t like that it had to be this way, the knowledge that this would likely only make Hux hate him more sitting heavy in his stomach, but he had limited options. Hux should just feel fortunate that Kylo didn’t want to do anything more severe than this; this was grounds for execution, among other fates.

When they arrived in the docking bay, Kylo refused his usual pilot, opting to pilot the Upsilon himself. Hux, silently fuming behind him, raised an eyebrow but did not question it. They boarded and took off without incident, Kylo entering the coordinates and smoothly jumping to hyperspace. The planet he had in mind – Argovia – wasn’t far, so the trip there would only be an hour or so.

“Supreme Leader, if I may ask, who is taking command in our absence?” Hux asked, speaking for the first time since they left his quarters.

Kylo blinked; he hadn’t actually put anyone in charge, in too much of a hurry to stop and consider it. “Everyone has their orders. We both have our comms if anything comes up and we won’t be gone long.”

A muscle under Hux’s eye twitched, but he said, “Understood.”

Months ago, before Snoke’s death and all of it, Hux would’ve given him an earful for such oversight, perhaps even deservedly so. To get only one word instead made something in Kylo’s gut twist. Truth be told, as much as he hated Hux trying to kill him, he hated the false front Hux put up more. He was a completely different person, lacking the fire he’d always had, never afraid to speak up or do what he needed to. Now, though, Hux was borderline docile, save the hate in his eyes and the way he only ever acted on it when Kylo wasn’t around.

Would it be better if Hux came straight out and pointed a blaster at him? In some ways, Kylo thought it might be. At least that was honest, rather than poison and ‘accidents’ that couldn’t be connected with Hux. As of yet, Kylo still couldn’t prove it was actually Hux who was trying so hard to kill him, but he knew without a doubt that it was. But without proof, any confrontation on the matter would be useless. Hux was one of the best liars Kylo had ever met.

“Supreme Leader,” Hux spoke up again, after some time of them sitting uncomfortably in silence, “may I request to know where it is we’re going?”

Kylo pressed his lips together; he was starting to hate the way his rank sounded coming out of Hux’s mouth. “We’re going to retrieve an artifact of great power. The planet it’s on is otherwise insignificant.”

Hux hummed an acknowledgement, but said nothing more, so Kylo continued, “And don’t worry about calling me by my title. No one there will know who we are, anyway.”

That got Hux’s attention. He turned to stare at Kylo with undisguised shock. Kylo glanced at him but said nothing more, watching the readouts instead as they got closer to their destination.

“All right… Ren,” Hux finally said, still hesitant.

Kylo couldn’t help the barest hint of a smile at that. The shuttle was still filled with tension, but that helped ease it, if only by a little. It was a spark of the old Hux, always referring to him by his title. Perhaps it was a concession that would help, too. He really didn’t care if Hux referred to him by his proper rank when they were alone, without anyone to question his authority as a result.

The rest of the trip went by in silence, still oppressive and uncomfortable. Kylo was relieved once they were close enough that he could drop out of hyperspace and focus on piloting them to Argovia and then through the atmosphere. From space, the world was largely green with some patches of blue. It was hot and damp, the land masses mostly made up of swamps and rainforests, and the local population was a sentient reptilian race. Kylo would have no problem with the mud and bogs, but he suspected Hux would absolutely loathe it.

His suspicion proved correct almost immediately. After setting them down a little ways from a small settlement that was far from the larger spaceports but close to their destination, Kylo disembarked with Hux on his heels and the moment Hux set foot on the soggy ground, his lip curled in distaste. Kylo turned to hide his smile; this was going to be fun to watch.

Hux’s disgust only grew as they made their way to the town, boots squelching with every step. They didn’t speak on the trek, but Hux’s displeasure radiated off him in waves, spiking whenever he had to slap at an insect that tried to bite him. By the time they made it to town, Hux’s brow was shiny with sweat and his face was a bit red, the heat and exertion clearly having an effect. He looked absolutely miserable and Kylo couldn’t help feeling smug that this was working.

“Ren, what are we doing here?” Hux asked, glancing around with a sneer that suggested Kylo had brought him to inspect raw sewage rather than a town where people lived.

“I just need some information before we head to the remains of the temple,” Kylo explained, guiding them towards the local cantina.

Hux opened his mouth to say more, but closed it, apparently deciding whatever rebuke was too risky. It was a shame; Kylo would’ve liked to hear just what stage of snippy Hux was at now. He was positive Hux would snap before they returned to the shuttle and Kylo was looking forward to it.

Loud, wet coughing from a local working a market stall near the cantina had Hux stiffening, another wave of revulsion flavouring the air as he instinctively leaned away. It was almost admirable how hard he was trying to stay stoic and they had barely started. They ducked into the cantina and Hux let out a breath as the door shut behind him, apparently considering indoors to be at least a slight improvement.

Kylo pointed to one of the tables next to the bar. “Sit there and wait for me. I’ll only be a few minutes.”

Hux did as he was told without a word, looking profoundly miserable as he did so. There were a few clusters of people inside, most talking quietly but the occasion shout or cough or unnecessarily loud laugh interrupted the quiet atmosphere. Kylo left Hux to stew right in the middle of it as he went to meet the bartender.

Getting directions was easy, the bartender happy to talk to an off-worlder who was dressed well enough to show he had money. With an extra tip, he even managed to get a crudely drawn map that would serve their purpose perfectly, as well as some water, dried meat, and bread for the journey. As the intelligence had said, the ruins were only a few hours out of town, avoided by the locals due to foolish superstition.

“I have a map,” Kylo said as he approached, causing Hux to start.

“Ah, I imagine that will be useful.” Hux’s face was still pulled up in the same disgusted sneer and Kylo honestly wondered if it would get stuck like that.

They left the cantina and continued through the market, Hux continuing to be appalled by everyone who got too close or had the audacity to make noise. He seemed to relax as they left the town, but it didn’t last long as Hux quickly figured out they’d be travelling through swampland for most of the journey. There were enough bridges and patches of dry land to make it doable on foot, but Kylo knew it wouldn’t be pleasant. He, however, had dealt with worse before; he doubted Hux had.

“Shouldn’t we go back and take the shuttle?” Hux asked, very obviously trying not to blanch at the land around them. “I would think it faster to fly than to walk.”

Kylo shook his head. “Where we landed is one of the few areas dry enough to support the ship. There’s nowhere closer to the ruins that we could land without risking it sinking into the ground.”

Hux’s lips twisted in displeasure, but he didn’t argue further as they continued on. He made a face as they were forced through calf-deep water and Kylo wondered just how functional those shiny boots of his were. Sure, they were treated leather, but they were designed for officers on ships, not wading through muck. Kylo pettily hoped Hux’s socks got wet from it.

It was another hour of mostly silence before Hux cracked. “Why did you even bring me on this? Surely one of your Knights would’ve been more helpful.”

“That’s true,” Kylo said, dodging a low-hanging tree branch, “but my Knights are all away on missions right now.”

“A few Stormtroopers, then,” Hux continued, followed by a curse when he slapped another insect from his neck.

“Too slow,” Kylo said, trying to hide just how much he was enjoying this.

Hux stopped. “You’re not answering my question.”

Kylo kept walking, unbothered. “No, I’m not.”

An angry huff followed by squelching steps told Kylo Hux was following again. Kylo couldn’t help but smile to himself yet again. He wasn’t sure if this would be a lasting solution to his problem of Hux constantly trying to kill him, but at least it was amusing. He wondered if Hux had put two and two together yet or if he thought Kylo was doing this just to be annoying.

By the time they reached the ruins, even Kylo was sweating, the heat and humidity combined with the trek proving too much. Hux, though, looked far worse off, face red and dripping. Kylo indicated for Hux to wait for him while he searched the ruins and Hux did so almost eagerly, sitting on some of the rubble. He was stretching his calf and foot when Kylo turned to the entrance of the structure.

It was less an entrance and more an opening made by collapsed stone, but it was more than large enough to fit through. Kylo could sense the hum of power even from outside, the artifact very close. As he moved through what was left of what had once been a temple, Kylo noticed how many rooms were closed off by fallen rocks, hoping what he needed wasn’t in one of those. He could always move the rocks, if necessary, but he wasn’t sure how stable the structure was and if that would cause it to collapse further.

Fortunately, the holocron was unharmed and easily accessible, so Kylo scooped it up and went to return to Hux. He found him still on his rock, now flexing his other leg, presumably to relieve some tension. His feet probably hurt, Kylo reasoned. The boots were not designed for long treks through rough terrain.

Deciding to be a bit merciful, Kylo pulled out the provisions he’d gotten from the bartender. “I found the artifact. We’ll eat and rest before we head back to the shuttle.”

Hux looked at him, surprised, his sneer faltering enough for him to appear almost grateful for the break. Rather than say anything, though, his only acknowledgement was a nod. They ate in silence, the tension still heavy in the air, while Hux stretched his legs further.

The trip back to the shuttle was essentially the same, more trekking through muck and insects going for every scrap of tender flesh they could get. It was hotter, though, well into the afternoon of the planet’s day cycle, and even Kylo was affected, sweat accumulating quickly under all his layers. Hux seemed to be fairing no better, the sneer finally falling off his face as exhaustion set in.

All in all, the mission was completely boring and benign, one of those that Kylo would normally wish had included at least one person or creature trying to kill him just to make things more interesting. He’d done so many missions like this over the years for Snoke that it was entirely routine for him, though he hadn’t had much of a chance to be planetside since Snoke’s death. He’d missed it, even in a place like this, bloodthirsty insects and muck and burning in his muscles included.

Watching Hux trudge miserably along with him was still amusing, though Kylo was admittedly impressed with how well Hux was keeping up. His face was red and soaked with sweat, hair disturbed from its usual prison of gel, his boots and uniform were covered in swamp water, and it was obvious from his gait that his muscles hurt, but he did not slow or complain or ask to stop at any point. That was more than Kylo had expected of Hux in the field.

When they made it back to the shuttle, Hux all but collapsed into his chair, apparently having left at least some of his usual composure in the swamps. Kylo said nothing and let him have the moment, surprisingly tired himself. Even though he was used to traversing many types of difficult terrain in unpleasant temperatures, it had been a long enough journey to tire him out. It was likely the lack of practice that had him feeling so drained and Kylo thought he really should make a point of keeping himself in better shape like he used to.

Kylo took his seat and then took off, guiding them out of the atmosphere and then making the jump to take them back to the Finalizer. Once set, Kylo leaned back, letting himself relax as much as he could with Hux in his immediate vicinity. He glanced over to see Hux just starting to nod off; on second thought, perhaps there was less of a threat than usual.

Taking the example, Kylo let himself doze for most of the trip, having spent many a return trip from a mission doing the same. It wasn’t a long nap, though, and when he awoke proper, he didn’t really feel much different. His stomach was also a little queasy, suggesting he was likely dehydrated from having nothing but a few sips of water while they’d rested at the ruins. Kylo also considered the possibility that the food they’d eaten hadn’t agreed with him, but it felt too minor to be food poisoning.

He got up to grab a water bottle from the back of the shuttle, startling Hux awake. Hux blinked around blearily, squinting like he did when he was particularly annoyed or had a headache. Kylo found it amusing that Hux made the same face when he’d just woken up but refrained from making a comment about it, grabbing a second bottle instead.

“Here,” Kylo said, handing Hux the water bottle. “We’re probably dehydrated.”

Hux hummed in acknowledgement, taking a drink immediately. “To be fair, being planetside has never agreed with me.”

Kylo huffed a laugh. “Well, Grand Marshal, you did survive the trip.”

Hux leveled him with a weak glare. “I had no doubt I would. My boots, however, are entirely unsalvageable.”

That was demonstrably true; Hux’s boots were soaked and covered in the muck of the swamps. His uniform was no longer pristine either, splashes of brownish water staining the fabric. Kylo couldn’t help feeling a bit smug about it. He had a sudden urge to ask Hux if he’d learned his lesson, but held his tongue.

“Stars, though, what was that meat you fed me?” Hux asked, shifting in his seat a little.

“I have no idea,” Kylo said, furrowing his brow as he took a sip of his water.

He looked closer at Hux then, noticing that while his face had been red before, it was sickly pale now, beyond even his normal pallor. Kylo wondered if perhaps Hux’s body had been pushed beyond the limits he was used to, heat and exhaustion and unfamiliar food combining to take a toll. It wouldn’t be the first time Kylo had dealt with such ill effects, though he was accustomed to it by now.

Hux, however, was not used to it and Kylo hadn’t intended to cause him any actual harm. That was the point of this whole venture, after all, and a niggling of guilt was forming in the back of his mind. Making Hux miserable, uncomfortable, and tired, yes, but to have him get hurt in some way? That was not what Kylo had wanted, no matter how warranted it was. He was trying not to be that person with Hux anymore.

Kylo glanced at the screen, seeing they were close to being able to drop out of hyperspace. “We’ll stop at medbay when we return to the ship. Just to be sure nothing’s wrong.”

That had Hux sitting up. “What? You may have given me food poisoning, but that hardly warrants that.”

“Isn’t it protocol to check in for a scan when experiencing symptoms after any planetary visitation?” Kylo asked, deadpan; Hux would never argue with protocol.

Predictably, Hux huffed, but relented. “Fine. You’ve already caused me to waste almost an entire day, why not waste another few hours?”

Kylo turned back to the controls, smirking slightly and content with his victory. When it was time, he dropped them out of hyperspace, the Finalizer already visible in the viewport. He guided them into the landing bay, shutting down the shuttle and getting up to leave, Hux on his heels.

As they walked, Kylo couldn’t help continuing to worry a little about Hux. While Kylo himself felt mostly fine, minor exhaustion and dehydration being far from the worst he’d experienced, he knew the mission had been hard on Hux. As much as Hux wasn’t entirely out of shape, much slimmer and with more lean muscle than most of the officers near his rank, his experience with fieldwork was minimal at best. Kylo had thought the mission easy, but now he wondered if it was only so from his own perspective.

The medbay wasn’t any busier than usual, there having been no recent battle for them to have incurred high numbers of casualties in. Kylo ordered the medic on staff to prepare a regulation scan and she scrambled to do so, telling them to wait in the nearest room while she readied a droid. As they waited, he noticed Hux had somehow procured a datapad on the walk over – one of his underlings passing by, perhaps? – and was now checking his messages, no doubt sure something must have gone horribly wrong in their roughly day-long absence.

Kylo tried to think of something to say, so tired of the tense silence between them that had lasted almost the entire mission as well, but failed to do so before the medical droid rolled in. It beeped at them in binary, indicating it was ready to start the examination. Kylo almost told it to just worry about Hux and leave him be, but figured there was no harm in being scanned. It was entirely possible Hux had done something else to him that he hadn’t noticed yet, so he stepped forward, allowing it to scan him.

It didn’t take long, the droid processing the results for a few moments before asking for a blood sample. Kylo frowned, not having expected that. Perhaps Hux _had_ made another move against him, one he hadn’t noticed in time and could be in the process of dying from. Without thinking further on it, Kylo rolled up his sleeve and allowed the droid to take the sample for processing.

When it was done, Hux’s datapad beeped, causing Kylo to turn and look. Hux’s brow was furrowed as he read something and then his face dropped instantly into horror. Kylo waited for him to explain, but he remained frozen. The sight of Hux so horrified and frightened by whatever it was sent a chill down his spine.

“Hux, what is it?” Kylo demanded, his voice rising without his permission.

Hux looked up, stricken, and said nothing, just turning the datapad around. Kylo moved closer to see there was a travel alert showing, its red border indicating it was urgent. Kylo frowned, wondering what could be so important and frightening about it. As soon as he read the words, though, he understood.

_TRAVEL ADVISORY_

_PRIORITY: URGENT_

_All First Order personnel are advised that an epidemic plague has been reported on the planet Argovia. The cause and treatment of the disease is unknown at this time. All personnel should avoid travel to Argovia unless it is absolutely necessary and should use the appropriate safety equipment to avoid exposure at all costs. It is strongly recommended that all personnel returning from the planet be placed in quarantine immediately and tested for signs of the disease. The attached file contains all the data collected on the disease, including symptoms, progression, and a current map of the spread of the epidemic._

_Glory be to the Supreme Leader,_

_First Order Communications_


	2. Chapter 2

“I’ve already told you everything I know! You expect me to remember the name of every person I could have conceivably walked by today?” Hux snapped at the medical officer on the other side of the transparisteel wall.

Kylo sighed through his nose, watching as the shaken medical officer reiterated that everyone who could have been exposed needed to be quarantined as well. Hux barked that they should check the security footage rather than rely on who he and Kylo might remember, though the effect was reduced by the fact he was wearing the standard medical gown they’d both been forced to change into upon being confined. The medical officer agreed to check the footage and saluted smartly before taking their leave.

Hux strode back to his cot, beside Kylo’s, and picked up the datapad, poking at it more aggressively than Kylo had ever witnessed. Kylo had never seen him this wound up before. Though, he supposed, the very strong possibility that they had a highly infectious disease with a high mortality rate did that to a person.

For his own part, Kylo brimmed with nervous energy, drumming his fingers against his cheek and bouncing his knee where he sat on his cot. There was nothing they could do right now while they waited for the lab to check their blood; the tests would take about a full cycle, leaving them in suspense. The waiting was kriffing torture.

The worst part, though, had to be the quarantine itself. There was only one suite reserved for high command, the rest of the quarantine rooms intended for the rank and file, and the medical staff insisted they both be placed in it, considering they were both so high ranking and also the only two who were directly exposed. Kylo would put being trapped in a small room with Hux extremely low on the list of things he wanted to do – somewhere between being chased by stampeding banthas and falling into a sarlacc pit – but even though he could pull rank, he knew the medical staff were right. It just made sense to keep them together, for both their sake and the sake of the rest of the ship.

However, that didn’t mean Kylo had to like it, nor did Hux, he assumed. The urge to break something churned in Kylo’s gut, but even his lightsaber had been sent off for sterilization. Hux’s pacing and tapping as he typed only sent Kylo’s emotions higher, the anxiety in the room feeding his own. Dread and fear and annoyance were not a comfortable mix.

“Can’t you at least sit?” Kylo finally snapped, the amusement from only a few hours ago now a distant memory. “There is literally nothing you can do right now.”

Hux scowled at him. “There is plenty I can do right now. I may not be able to change our current situation, but the Order still needs attention. You, of all people, should know that, _Supreme Leader_.”

Hux’s mocking tone and the emphasis on Kylo’s rank brought his hackles up. “Watch your tone, Grand Marshal.”

“All I’m saying is that you were the one who kept me away from the Order for most of my working hours,” Hux said, visibly tamping down what Kylo assumed was the urge to insult Kylo further. “Tasks do not just go away, a concept I would think you familiar with.”

“It’s nearly the night cycle, anyway,” Kylo pointed out. “You may as well just leave it for tomorrow.”

Hux gave a bitter laugh. “If you think I get everything done by taking a full rest cycle at night, then you’re more of a fool than I thought.”

It was Kylo’s turn to scowl. “So you’re telling me my Grand Marshal is asleep at the helm, so to speak? Well, remind me to do something about that once we’ve been released from here. I must have put too much on your plate.”

“Stims exist, Ren!” Hux insisted just a touch shrilly, either not noticing the slip or not caring now that he was so worked up. “I’ll kriffing sleep when the galaxy lies at the Order’s feet! If you know a way to accomplish that faster then please, by all means.”

Kylo waved his hand dismissively, putting conscious effort into not using the Force as he did so. It had been a low blow, threatening to take control away from Hux, but Hux had started it. More often than not, Kylo had been the guilty party there, but even Hux lost control when he was stressed enough. It would’ve been fun to watch if not for the spectre of fear hanging over them both.

Hux continued pacing and typing and Kylo decided to lie down, unsure what else he could do. He’d tried to meditate, but there was too much anxiety around for him to focus on it. It was a shame; some guidance from the Force would be welcome right now.

If they weren’t actually sick, then this would be a short-lived inconvenience, though he had a feeling his plan had failed. Hux would blame him for this, perhaps rightly so, and likely go back to attempting to kill him as soon as they were out. He’d need to do something about that, but what? Kylo decided that question could be answered at a later date. He had time; he wasn’t easy to kill.

If they were sick, though, that brought up a whole other host of problems. Everything Kylo had been working towards would be ground to a halt. If at least one of them was safe, it would’ve been better, but for them both to be out of commission meant the Order had no leader. Everything would come to a standstill and, to make matters worse, this was, in some ways, Kylo’s fault.

That, of course, was also ignoring the fact that there was a real possibility they could die. Kylo had only glanced over the data on the disease that had been sent with the announcement and that had been enough to instill real fear in him. He’d also watched Hux read it all and the way he’d paled had not been comforting. Hux feared very few things, so anything that caused him to show it was worthy of concern.

Kylo turned over in the bed, pointedly telling his brain to stop dwelling. Focusing on how bad this could be would only make him more restless. They didn’t even know for sure if they were sick yet, so worrying about it was pointless. He needed to clear his mind and try not to get swept up in panic.

Boredom eventually took the place of the fear and Kylo slipped into a dreamless sleep, later jolting awake and half-expecting to find Hux holding a pillow over his face. That was not the case, though; Hux was still working, but he had at least moved to the bed, propped up against the thin medbay pillow. He looked so fragile like this, Kylo thought, his slim frame exposed by the thin medbay gown and his skin bleached by the bright light of the datapad. It was no wonder so many people had underestimated him and met their death as a result.

A quick glance at the chrono confirmed it was well into the night cycle and Kylo almost groaned. Hux had admitted to rarely sleeping, but this was ridiculous, especially if they _were_ sick.

“Are you ever going to sleep?” Kylo asked, his words still a little slurred.

Hux glanced over at him, but quickly turned back to the datapad in his lap. “I already told you, I need to get everything done. There are still a dozen reports to go through.”

Kylo did groan at that. “I’m the Supreme Leader and I say it can wait. I’m never going to stay asleep if you keep at it.”

“With all due respect, Supreme Leader, that isn’t my problem,” Hux said, his tone showing absolutely no respect. “I would think maintaining the Order you lead would be more important than your beauty sleep.”

Kylo glared weakly at him, going for a different tactic now. “If we are actually sick, you know you can’t get better without rest. Do you want to die just because you refuse to kriffing sleep?”

Hux turned to him abruptly, something wild in his eyes that took Kylo by surprise. Some combination of rage and fear shone there, something that was clearly disproportionate to the jab. Kylo actually hadn’t meant it as an insult for once, just an attempt to get Hux to sleep so he could too, yet Hux was acting like it was the worst insult of all.

“Shut your mouth!” Hux snapped, again surprising Kylo with the force of it.

Kylo blinked at him, trying to figure out what the kriff was going on as Hux took deep breaths, apparently trying to calm himself. The insubordination was more than grounds for a reprimand of some kind, yet Kylo found himself not wanting to push. He was reasonably sure Hux didn’t have any weapons but he didn’t want to take the chance and be forced to kill him in self-defence.

“I… We’re not sick, Supreme Leader, so it doesn’t matter,” Hux said quietly. “If it matters to you that much, then I will stop here for the night and finish catching up tomorrow.”

With that, Hux powered down the datapad and rolled over, facing the other side of the room. The silence hung heavy and Kylo’s tongue itched to say something, but he had no idea what. He still wasn’t sure exactly what had happened there. Deciding to write it off as Hux just being cranky again, he rolled over as well and closed his eyes, letting sleep take him for the rest of the night.

* * *

The next day brought with it very little change. They were provided with meals through an air-tight transfer window that ensured no transfer of the disease which were eaten without ceremony. On the bright side, Kylo could now be sure that there was no poison in his food. Well, at least reasonably sure; Hux did have his favourites, after all. But given that they were already in medbay, he figured his chances of surviving were high enough to take the risk.

There was also a droid in the room set to monitor them and perform any medical procedures that they could possibly need, if the worst should happen. It was a stout unit, floating silently in the corner when not in use. After they ate, it floated out and insisted on checking their vitals, though it did not report the results to them, even when Kylo demanded it to. He wasn’t sure if it was incapable of it or if it had been programmed not to.

Hux was quiet, appearing engrossed in his datapad. He’d hardly said a word to Kylo since they’d woken, though whether Hux was still angry about the conversation last night, the impromptu mission, or he was just busy was hard to say. With Hux, it could’ve been all of the above.

Given that there was really nothing else Kylo could do, he sat on the floor, cross-legged, and closed his eyes, readying himself to meditate. He reached out to the Force, letting it envelop him and permeate every corner of his mind, thoughts forgotten. He felt the blip of life that was Hux nearby, then expanded to the bustling energy of the whole of the Finalizer, and then further out, letting himself drown in the galaxy itself as his mind blanked.

Snippets of what might have been visions and what might have been nothing at all flashed before his mind’s eye. Green, forest, trees. Where were they? Red, blood on white, the contrast stark. Snow or was it skin? Water, waves crashing against dark rocks, foam spraying out. Was someone there on the shore? Kylo tried to focus on each of them, to discern if any of them were true visions or if they were all just the whims of the Force, but each scene slipped from his fingers like sand, refusing to be followed.

It continued like that for an unknown amount of time until Kylo was suddenly back in his own body. He never knew how much time passed when he meditated; sometimes it was only minutes, others it was hours. He also wasn’t sure if he’d simply seen everything the Force had to show him at the moment or if he had been snapped out of it by something else.

When he opened his eyes, all seemed fine, so Kylo stood, stretching his stiff muscles a little. He felt drained, the session taking more out of him than he’d expected. Kylo decided to blame it on the poor sleep he’d gotten the previous night thanks to his current arrangements.

While deciding what he could do next to keep himself busy, Kylo looked over to find Hux seated in bed, working on his datapad as always. Perhaps that was an idea. He often spoke with his Knights through the Force, but they used the normal communication channels as well, both for ease and so they had a record of it. Checking in with them was never a bad idea and they sometimes sent him scans of the scrolls they found, allowing him to start translating and transcribing before the artifacts even arrived for study. Transcribing wouldn’t be an option at present, but studying some of the texts he hadn’t had a chance to yet was something he could do in the meantime.

Kylo did just that and managed to keep himself busy for some time, only pausing when lunch was delivered to them. He continued working while he ate, making notes on his datapad on the translation as well as possible interpretations – Force users, Light or Dark, were not always clear in their meanings. He’d even encountered coded texts before, some of which had taken him over a month to crack.

“Supreme Leader,” Hux said abruptly, pulling Kylo’s attention away from the texts, “I require your approval on some requests.”

Kylo blinked at him, not realizing until Hux had spoken that he’d gotten out of bed and was now standing at the side of Kylo’s. He noticed Hux still looked unusually pale and tired, but perhaps it was just the medbay lights. They weren’t sick, just like Hux had said. Neither Hux looking worse nor Kylo’s unusual tiredness meant anything.

“Ren?” Hux asked again, when Kylo said nothing.

“Right, of course,” Kylo said, taking the datapad from Hux and giving a quick read over.

The first request was about expanding their fleet and nothing jumped out at Kylo so he pressed his finger to the correct box, giving his approval with his fingerprint. The next few were similar, perfectly normal and acceptable requests that he approved. At worst, there were a few he considered to be matters below both his and Hux’s notice, but he didn’t feel like arguing about them now. Eventually, though, there was one that seemed questionable, the information vague.

“What is Project Tarkin?” he asked, mildly suspicious.

“It’s a new technological project I want to dedicate a team of engineers to,” Hux explained mechanically, as if he’d rehearsed this. “The initial tests showed very promising results in regards to increasing the range and damage of our cannons. My hope is that, ultimately, we’ll be able to equip every Resurgent-class ship with cannons that can penetrate shields with a single hit as well as increase their range by fifty percent.”

Kylo raised his eyebrows; if true, that would be a very strong improvement. There would never be a repeat like the chase of the Raddus again. With that in mind, Kylo approved the project without a second thought.

There were a few more following, most of which were straightforward. Once or twice he asked Hux for clarification and every answer was well-explained, seeming legitimate and well-planned. By the time they were done, Kylo was just starting to get annoyed; normally he made Hux submit these to him and he approved them in his own time. He didn’t appreciate being forced into it.

Kylo handed the datapad back and before he could say something to remind Hux that he was the superior here, he was interrupted by Hux coughing. No just once, but a series of coughs. Kylo narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing.

“Hux…” he started, pausing when Hux gave him the same heated glare as the night before.

“I’m fine, it’s just the air in here,” Hux snapped, too quickly. “This room is completely closed off from the air circulating the rest of the ship so as to keep anything infectious in, thus it gets stale faster. It’s nothing more than that.”

Doubt and worry swirled in Kylo’s mind but he kept his mouth shut for now, wanting to believe it was true. His instincts told him Hux was wrong, that this _was_ something to worry about. But Kylo didn’t want that to be the case, didn’t want to deal with the real risk that they could be sick with something that could very well kill them.

Kylo went back to his own work, trying desperately to ignore the fear that was quickly coming back full force. It was hard to focus on reading, translating, and interpreting, a relatively tedious task, when his mind was full of so many questions and worries. Still, he pressed on, knowing that if he let his emotions get the better of him it would only make the situation worse. A sealed quarantine room that contained nothing extraneous was not the place to lose control of himself.

He managed like that until their dinner was delivered, both he and Hux eating their meals mechanically in silence, Kylo telling himself the tickle in his throat was from swallowing wrong, nothing more, and ignoring the urge to cough. Kriff, was this what it was going to be like the entire time, sick or not? Just the two of them sitting in tense silence, only speaking when necessary? If Kylo was at risk of dying, he’d rather go through it alone than like this, with Hux’s silent, contemptuous presence. Then again, he imagined Hux felt the same. It truly was a shame that things between them had to be this way.

After they’d eaten, Hux suddenly stood and went to the barrier, causing Kylo to look up. A medical officer had finally arrived, hopefully with their test results. Kylo stood too, following to stand next to Hux. The medical officer’s face was unreadable and it took all of Kylo’s willpower not to just enter her mind and steal the answer immediately.

“Sirs,” she greeted them, tone neutral, “I have the results of your bloodwork.”

“Well?” Hux demanded, a hint of desperation in his tone. “What is it? Are we sick or not?”

The officer pursed her lips. “I regret to inform you that the tests came back positive. You are both infected with the disease.”

She kept talking but Kylo wasn’t listening, feeling like the ground had just fallen out from under him. They were sick. They were possibly going to die. Kylo felt the blood drain from his face, something cold filling his gut. The fear he’d been trying to suppress up until now flared, spreading through him until there was nothing else left. He wanted to be angry, to push through and use the fear to strengthen himself, but there was nothing he could fight here; bacteria couldn’t be defeated with the Force.

“…contact with is now in quarantine as well. I realize this is a lot to take in, sirs,” the medical officer continued, looking a bit paler now than she had before, “but we need to begin treatment immediately. The lab has created an antibiotic cocktail that we believe will give you the best chance of making a full recovery.”

She produced two IV bags from a cart beside her, placing them into the slot their meals came through. “The medi-droid will administer the medication. And, with all due respect, sirs, please do not remove or disconnect the IV at any point except when we need to change the bag. I cannot stress enough that this medication is your best chance at surviving this disease.”

Kylo nodded, numb, not even having the will to look at Hux right now. He still couldn’t accept it, that he could die from something as ordinary as disease. He’d survived countless fatal injuries that would’ve killed anyone else. He couldn’t die this way, his plans unfinished. It was as simple as that.

Once the medical officer left them, it took Kylo a few minutes before he could muster up the will to move. He went to the transfer chamber and removed the IV bags, letting himself cough now that he knew the irritation wasn’t from swallowing wrong. Somehow, it still felt like defeat.

After retrieving the bags, he finally turned to Hux, who was as white as a sheet. He hadn’t moved either and was just staring off into empty space, looking like either a ghost or someone who’d just seen one. Kylo guessed he was in shock; he’d been even more in denial of this possibility than Kylo had.

“Hux,” he said, and Hux turned a bit towards him, but not completely. “Come on, we need to get these hooked up.”

Hux remained silent, but finally moved, turning away from the transparisteel wall and towards Kylo. His eyes looked hollow, empty. Something inside Kylo clenched at the sight, but he pushed forward, bringing the bags to the droid with Hux following behind.

The droid made quick work of the task, pulling two IV stands from the corner of the room and hanging the bags, inserting the needle into Kylo’s arm and then doing the same with Hux. The medication would help, Kylo told himself, the medical officer had said so. The First Order had the best researchers in the galaxy. He just had to remind himself of that and not let despair take over.

Hux looked to be already losing that battle, but Kylo knew he was still processing. His iron will would return once the reality had sunk in and they’d be fine. Kylo needed Hux and he didn’t actually want him dead; that had been the cause of this entire mess, after all. But Hux was mentally stronger than any Force null he’d ever met and Kylo fully believed he would survive this. Hux was far too stubborn to die so easily, just like Kylo was.

Kylo ignored the doubting voice in the back of his mind telling him he could be wrong and went back to sit on his cot, running a finger idly over the needle in his arm. His mind was a litany of fear and denial, emotions swirling uncomfortably, threatening to drag him under. He took deep breaths, trying not to think about his lung capacity. Was he imagining it or was it harder to fill his lungs than it had been before?

He reminded himself again that worrying would get him nowhere and that they were both being treated by the best minds the galaxy had to offer. After lying down to continue his study of the texts, Kylo glanced to see Hux staring blankly at his datapad, his eyes glazed with inattention. He didn’t look any better than he had right after they’d been told the news.

Something inside Kylo wanted to reach out, to comfort, to ask for some in return, but he was sure Hux would rebuff whatever attempt he made. It wasn’t ideal but they were in this together and Kylo felt it would be far more bearable if they could at least act like normal people around each other. Of course, he was just as guilty as Hux was when it came to instigating, but at least he was willing to make an effort. That’s what he’d been doing since the dust had settled and they’d returned from Crait; it was Hux who wouldn’t accept the extended olive branch.

Kylo huffed and turned off his datapad, deciding to call it a night if he couldn’t focus. He shifted onto his side, the change prompting another round of coughing. Kriff, and this was only the beginning. He wasn’t looking forward to finding out what else was going to happen to him.

When the coughing subsided, he heard Hux get up from his cot suddenly, bare feet slapping against the floor in the direction of the small, private refresher they had. Kylo paid him no mind, settling in and hoping his brain would shut up long enough for him to sleep. That, plus the tubing connected to his arm and the tickle in his throat, made it difficult to get comfortable, but Kylo was adept at ignoring that by now. He’d slept in enough uncomfortable places that he was sure he’d get there eventually.

He did, though it took longer than he’d hoped. As he drifted off, there was the quiet realization that he hadn’t heard Hux return from the refresher. Kylo brushed it off, assuming he’d just missed it. Surely Hux had returned and was either trying to work or going to sleep himself, Kylo figured just before sleep claimed him.

* * *

Kylo felt like he’d been hit by a freighter. He awoke groggy and with a headache, the tickle in his throat now replaced with an insistent burning. He coughed immediately, thick and phlegmy, making his chest throb. Kylo groaned as he forced himself to sit up without opening his eyes. It felt like the start of every bad cold he’d ever had; nothing insidious yet, but certainly a sign of what was to come.

A wet, wheezing cough came from the other side of the room and Kylo pried his eyes open to see Hux already propped up in bed, datapad in hand as always. Kylo almost shook his head but knew nothing he said was going to do any good. He was almost positive that Hux shouldn’t be working in this condition, at least not as much as he usually did, but arguing about it hadn’t gotten him anywhere yet. Short of ordering Hux not to work, an order he was sure Hux would find a way to circumvent anyway, there was nothing Kylo could do.

Aside from feeling like shit, the day was virtually the same as the previous. They were fed, though the menu had changed to one higher in protein and electrolytes than the standard fair. The droid took their vitals again, sending whatever the results were to the medical staff. All the while, they both shuffled around with their respective IV stands, both muffling coughs as best they could.

Hux didn’t say a word to Kylo and Kylo chose not to push it for the moment, instead blinking tiredly at his own datapad. He probably shouldn’t be working either, but what else was he to do to pass the time? Even just the thought of meditating made his head hurt more and friendly conversation was clearly not on the table. Sitting around and stewing in his own brain was never a good idea either, especially in a situation such as this.

The monotony of coughing and aching and trying to focus was broken by one of the officers from the bridge arriving at the barrier, posture rigid like he was trying to hide his nervousness. Kylo had seen that one before – Mitaka was his name, he thought. At the same moment Kylo took an interest, Hux got up from his cot, clearly trying to look as authoritative as he could in such a state.

Intrigued, Kylo decided to get up and join them. It was most likely First Order business, therefore it was _his_ business. The idea of Hux having a personal visitor was laughable.

“Lieutenant,” Kylo greeted as he stepped up to the transparisteel, clearly startling Mitaka.

“Supreme Leader,” Hux cut in, “I asked Lieutenant Mitaka here to discuss some of the orders I had you approve yesterday. There was some confusion in regard to my instructions so I thought it best to explain in person.”

Kylo coughed and then nodded. “Go on.”

Mitaka’s gaze flitted between them rapidly, but finally settled on Hux as Hux started talking. Kylo tuned out most of it, admittedly, but he did catch enough to know that this was about one of the shift changes. What could possibly be confusing about a shift change, something so simple it was beneath Hux in the first place, he didn’t know, but the snippets he caught seemed to suggest it was less confusion and more someone’s personal preference getting in the way and Mitaka was the unfortunate messenger. Hux realized that quickly as well and was suddenly a lot less patient than he’d been when Mitaka had first arrived.

“I don’t care if he doesn’t like it,” Hux hissed, “unless there’s an adequate reason, I can’t simply-”

A series of hacking coughs cut Hux off while Kylo looked on with sympathy and just a touch of worry. It was barely passed midday and Hux was already sounding worse than he had this morning. Kylo hadn’t noticed a significant difference in how he felt, still at roughly the same level of awful as earlier, but that didn’t seem to hold true for Hux. That couldn’t have been a good sign.

“Grand Marshal Hux is correct,” Kylo cut in while Hux struggled with his breathing. “If whoever is disputing the change does not have a good enough reason for it, then we can’t rearrange the entire schedule for him. If he comes back with one, alert either myself or the Grand Marshal. Otherwise, make the change and tell this person the Supreme Leader himself is enforcing it.”

“Yes, sir!” Mitaka answered, too fast, as he saluted sharply and then immediately turned to leave, seeming grateful to be out of their presence.

Hux had finally recovered from the coughing fit, his breathing eased back to normal. Kylo furrowed his brow as he considered Hux, noticing red on his cheeks. Was he flushed from the fit itself or was it the embarrassment that Kylo had needed to step in for him?

“I appreciate the assistance, Supreme Leader,” Hux said, voice raspy, “however, I had the situation under control. You didn’t need to get involved.”

Kylo was sure he would’ve been able to sense Hux’s discomfort in being helped even if he didn’t have the Force. The words were forced, Kylo knew, Hux’s pride not wanting to let them slip. Still, it was hard not to be offended when all Kylo had done was try to help.

“You should save your voice,” Kylo said, resisting the urge to point out that he’d saved Hux the embarrassment of struggling through it with one of his subordinates watching. “I expect it’ll only get worse from here.”

Hux’s lips twisted as if he’d tasted something unpleasant. “Yes, I imagine you’re right about that.”

Hux turned to go, but Kylo had an idea. “I also want you to delegate as many of your duties as possible until we recover from this. To one officer or ten, I don’t care, but I don’t want any tasks neglected when we’re both too sick to deal with them. Do not make me force you.”

Hux’s eyes narrowed in distaste, but Kylo had expected that. It was practical, though, which meant it would be all but impossible for Hux to argue with it no matter how much he didn’t like it. Even now, it was clear that point was coming. Besides, perhaps some delegation would force Hux to stop working and actually focus on surviving this. He already appeared to be getting worse at a faster rate than Kylo was.

“I… understand,” Hux bit out. “I will keep the essential tasks with myself and delegate the rest to my staff. The Order must not be left unattended no matter what condition we are in.”

Kylo couldn’t help a small smile at that. “Agreed. For now, your main responsibility is surviving this disease. Everything else is secondary. That’s an order, Grand Marshal.”

Hux blinked in surprise, but nodded his acceptance before heading back to his cot and returning to his datapad. Kylo hoped to see a lot less of that in the future. He needed Hux alive for more reason than one and if pulling rank was the best way to ensure that, then so be it. Hux seemed surprisingly at ease with it, as well. Perhaps he had finally recognized one of Kylo’s attempts at civility.

It was a little fucked up to look at this situation as anything positive, Kylo knew, but if this misery had even one positive outcome in the form of Hux being willing to work with him from now on, Kylo would take it. Of course, it would’ve been better if they didn’t have to go through what was already proving to be a terrible experience from the get go, but it was too late for that. This was happening whether they liked it or not, so Kylo might as well get whatever he could out of it.

Later, the medical officer returned to give them dinner and new bags for their IVs, the latter of which were administered by the droid. She also asked how they were feeling as the droid took their vitals for the second time, apparently programmed to be more vigilant now that the illness was confirmed. Kylo reported that they had started coughing and both felt terrible. She nodded, tapping some information into her datapad, and then left them for the night.

Not long after, Kylo decided to try to sleep, exhausted despite having done almost nothing but sit and cough for the entire day. He ached all over and his chest felt full of something viscous and wrong. His brain told him that he’d likely only wake up feeling worse, but his body begged for relief anyway.

Before he did, though, Hux cleared his throat, an ugly sound, and said, “I wanted to inform you that most of my duties have now been divided between five senior officers. They have all been told to report to me should something pose a problem, but I have faith in all of them. Would you like me to send you a report on who is handling which tasks?”

“No, I trust your judgement,” Kylo said, surprised that Hux was even telling him this. “You know the crew better than I do.”

Hux hummed thoughtfully, setting his datapad aside. “That is true. I kept only what is absolutely necessary and will otherwise receive daily updates on what each of them have done. I also informed them that any major, non-time sensitive decisions would need to be voted on by them and then approved by one of us. I doubt anything like that will come up, but it seemed a good idea. Only in a time of crisis would they actually have the opportunity to make major decisions without my approval.”

“Hux,” Kylo said, his eyes starting to slip closed, “you’re overthinking it. Any officer you would choose is fully capable. You’d never put an idiot at the helm.”

“Of course not,” Hux scoffed, but it ended in a cough. “I just thought you’d want to know.”

“I appreciate it,” Kylo said, now only wishing his body would also listen to him and stop feeling awful by the time he woke up.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, his body did not listen to him and Kylo only felt worse. The pain was now centered in his chest, the ache intensifying with every cough. The coughing was also worse, with thick globs of mucus coming up more often than not. To top it all off, Kylo still felt overall weak, like instead of getting some rest, sleep had only drained more energy out of him.

He’d also woken later than usual, but Kylo figured he could be forgiven for that, given the circumstances. When he finally forced himself upright, he saw Hux already up, as usual, with his datapad in his lap. Kylo frowned; had they not come to an accord just yesterday regarding Hux’s workload?

“Relax, Supreme Leader,” Hux said without even taking his eyes of the screen. “I’m only reading, since you saw fit to suspend most of my duties for the time being.”

Kylo did relax at that, though he’d noticed when Hux spoke that he seemed short of breath, overshadowing the hint of bitterness Kylo chose to ignore. Brow furrowed, Kylo watched him for a few more moments, saw that his chest was moving faster than what Kylo would consider normal. That also seemed to confirm what Kylo had suspected yesterday: Hux was getting worse faster, though he didn’t know why. Perhaps it was from overworking or simply Hux’s body just being more susceptible to such ailments or even something else entirely. Whatever the answer, however, it wasn’t comforting.

Any further thoughts Kylo had on the matter were interrupted by a different medical officer than their usual one arriving at the barrier. Kylo almost groaned at the thought of moving but managed to refrain as he forced himself up, seeing Hux do the same with apparently little trouble. He was starting to get frustrated.

“Sirs,” the officer said, giving them their breakfasts, “I apologize for the intrusion, but there’s been a development.”

Kylo’s tilted his head in interest and Hux’s eyebrows rose. “A development?”

The officer pressed his lips together; Kylo read that as a bad sign. “Some of those quarantined have been confirmed to be infected.”

Hux grimaced and Kylo resisted the urge to turn away. He hadn’t believed even he and Hux were sick but now some of the crew were too? This was… how could he have possibly thought it would turn out this way? Was the entire ship in danger?

And, quietly, in the back of his mind, a thought: _is this my fault?_

“Fortunately, we have seen no signs in anyone outside of the quarantine,” he said, interrupting Kylo’s thoughts, “so we believe the ship to be safe for the time being. We will continue to monitor the situation and provide updates as they come.”

Hux asked for details, but Kylo tuned them out, uninterested in the exact numbers. It was a small portion of their overall crew, he got that much, but it didn’t change the fact that they were no longer the only ones suffering this. How had a simple mission with the goal of keeping Hux in line ended so badly?

“We appreciate the update,” Hux finished, still sounding a little breathless. “Keep us informed of the situation at all times. You’re dismissed.”

The officer saluted and left them to eat in heavy silence. The disease had spread, though it at least seemed under control for the moment. Still, it didn’t sit well with Kylo and he imagined Hux felt the same. Kylo wished now he’d paid more attention to the exact numbers; something inside him twisted when he realized what it said about him as a leader that he hadn’t even cared enough to find out how many members of his crew were also afflicted.

Kylo shook his head, instead focusing on forcing down the electrolyte-infused slurry they were given with every meal now. What did it matter in the end? He was completely powerless to do anything about the situation. The medical staff were the only ones who could help them now and they were, giving them all the best care the galaxy had to offer. It would all be fine in the end, Kylo was sure.

In the meantime, though, Kylo still felt terrible, his whole body sore and the intermittent coughing making his chest hurt. He also couldn’t help but listen whenever he heard Hux cough, the bark in it concerning. The noticeable difference in severity was something Kylo couldn’t ignore, though imagining what Hux would say if he brought it up stayed his tongue. Nothing good could come from it.

So instead, Kylo slept on and off, always hoping he’d wake feeling at least a little bit more alive and always being disappointed. It was strange how much illness could take from you, he thought, how it could make even sleeping for most of the day feel anything but restorative. How it could strip everything away from you until there was nothing but the softest, most miserable core of a being left.

A chill ran through Kylo’s body and he blamed it on his unsettling thoughts. It was harder to keep his mind from running down the darkest corridors when even just existing took so much of his energy. His mind was a dark enough place at the best of times.

The slight creak of Hux’s bedframe caught Kylo’s attention and he saw Hux getting up, presumably to go to the refresher. He looked even more pitiful now than he had at first, the sad medbay gown and the IV stand he was pushing made worse by how pale he looked aside from two too vibrant red spots on his cheeks. Kylo doubted he made a more dignified picture himself.

Hux was waylaid by a coughing fit that left him doubled over, nearly choking on his own wheezing. Kylo almost got up in some likely useless attempt to help but stopped when Hux managed to catch his breath, gasping in the aftermath. When he finally recovered, Hux glanced at his wet hand in disgust and continued on.

“You’re getting worse.” The words were out before Kylo had a chance to think them through.

Hux stopped and turned, scowling. “So are you.”

“You’re getting worse faster, I mean,” Kylo said, refusing to shrink away from Hux’s glare. “My coughs aren’t nearly that bad.”

“I’m fine!” Hux snapped, taking Kylo by surprise. “It’s the fucking disease, nothing more! Which, by the way, is-”

Whatever else Hux was going to shout was cut off by a strange, throaty noise followed by another coughing fit, sounding even worse than before. Hux’s free hand flew up to his mouth in an attempt to catch whatever saw fit to come out of it while his other hand tightened its grip on the IV stand for stability, his knuckles turning white.

Kylo made it to standing this time, arms extended awkwardly considering he was still a good few metres away from Hux. But before he could cross the space between them, Hux had recovered again, rising from his hunched over position and pulling his hand away from his face. He glanced at it and his eyes immediately went wide, his skin paling further.

It only took a second for Kylo to see what caused Hux’s reaction: blood was spattered on his hand and around his lips, stark red against sickly pale skin. It spilled a little out of his mouth, dribbles of red slipping from the corners. Kylo’s stomach dropped, sudden fear rooting him to the spot.

Kylo had never seen Hux shake in fear; not when he’d rescued Kylo from Starkiller when they both knew they were moments away from being taken with the planet, not any of the times Snoke had painfully humiliated him in front of his crew, not when Kylo himself had choked him in the burning throne room. He’d seen quivers of suppressed rage a handful of times, but never, ever had Hux quaked in fear. But now, Kylo watched as Hux pressed shaking, bloody fingers to his lips, as if seeking to confirm that the wetness there was, in fact, also blood.

Wide, blue-green eyes met Kylo’s and Kylo was sure he was wearing the same expression as Hux was, fear written in every line of his face. Then the moment broke and Hux turned away, hurrying to the refresher as quickly as his undoubtedly aching body could take him there. The door closed and Kylo could just barely hear the rush of water from the sink.

Hux didn’t come out for a while and Kylo ended up sitting on the end of his cot, though he had no memory of actually doing so. As much as Kylo had known, intellectually, that this was serious, a part of him had never really believed it. Coughing, aches, all of it, that was normal for being sick. But coughing up blood? That was something Kylo had only see from those about to take their last breath after he’d driven his lightsaber into them.

This couldn’t… no, Hux wasn’t going to die, neither of them were. It was… okay, it was serious, but they had medicine… A flash of his thoughts from earlier came back to him and Kylo wondered again if this was his fault. He was the one who’d dragged them both, without any research or preparation, onto a planet that carried this disease. It was all because of him that they’d gone there, therefore it was all because of him that they, and the unknown number – he hadn’t listened, why the _fuck_ hadn’t he listened? – of others, had caught this.

Kylo fisted both hands in his hair and pulled, just hard enough to hurt. No, there was no way he could’ve known. The First Order hadn’t even known until they’d already returned. But what if they’d waited a day, two, a week, what if Kylo hadn’t just rushed over to Hux’s office the moment the idea had come to him and had instead thought it through? He may not have paid much attention to the announcement, but Hux would’ve, of course he would’ve, so he would’ve known and…

A noise left his throat, something that might have been a scream if his throat wasn’t so raw. It set off a coughing fit that left Kylo panting, carefully checking the mixture of saliva and phlegm on his hand for any signs of blood. There wasn’t any, thankfully, but that didn’t change the fact that Hux was already there and Kylo was likely soon to follow, both of which were frightening thoughts.

The Force pulled at his fingers but Kylo fought against the urge to destroy, trembling with the effort of holding back and trying to breathe through it despite the burn in his lungs. It would still be fine. The disease was worse than he’d expected but it would still all be fine. They’d both ride it out and recover and everything would be _fine_. He just needed to keep telling himself that.

Kylo kept breathing and repeating the words, like a mantra, and eventually calmed, the panic subsiding enough that he could think clearly. Hux still hadn’t emerged from the refresher, which definitely meant something that Hux would never disclose to him. It was frustrating when Kylo had, in his opinion, tried very hard to mend things between them yet Hux seemed insistent on rebuking his every attempt. Then again, could he really blame Hux, given what he’d done now?

Sighing heavily, Kylo climbed fully back into bed, suddenly overcome by exhaustion. Between his fight with Hux, the blood, and the emotions that had followed, he felt even more drained than before. They were barely halfway into the day and all Kylo wanted to do was sleep until tomorrow. Or the next day. Or next week, when all of this would – hopefully – be over.

So sleep he did. When he woke for their mid-day meal, Hux had returned, though Kylo somehow hadn’t heard him do so. He looked the same as always – sick, but still as dignified and put together as he could be. Whatever happened earlier had already been neatly repressed and filed away somewhere in the back of Hux’s mind, most likely to never be looked at again.

Kylo sometimes wished he had that ability, but he also knew that he wouldn’t be able to use the Dark side if it weren’t for his emotions. It was a fine line he had to walk, between control and chaos, one that opened him up to both sides of the Force if done right. Though now, with Snoke gone, he did sometimes wonder if what Snoke had set out for him was even possible or if he had been doomed to fail from the start. He supposed it didn’t matter now, but it was something he couldn’t help wondering about from time to time.

The rest of the day passed much the same. Kylo slept on and off and tried to manage some reading on his datapad like Hux was doing in between, having given up on translation work for now. His brain felt sluggish and full of the same muck that filled his lungs, making it hard to concentrate. They both continued to cough, Kylo noticing that Hux had taken a black cloth from the refresher to cough into, presumably to hide the blood. Kylo frowned, but he supposed it was less alarming and more sanitary than if he just let the blood spray everywhere.

They ate their evening meal in silence, delivered by a droid, and when their usual medical officer arrived, Kylo reported that Hux had coughed up blood earlier. Hux’s head snapped to the side to scowl at Kylo, but Kylo ignored him, more focused on the way the officer furrowed her brow. She then stepped away to retrieve something from a drawer.

She returned with a syringe, which she put in the transfer window with the two new IV bags. “That’s for Grand Marshal Hux. It should help with the bloody sputum, or at least prevent it from becoming life threatening. I’m afraid you’re both rapidly progressing into pneumonia at this point. I will update the droid’s program to keep a closer eye on both of you.”

The officer left and the droid floated closer, taking their vitals and hooking up the new bags, as well as injecting the syringe into Hux’s IV line. Kylo hoped it would help. If it didn’t, what did that mean for Hux? Kylo wanted to believe his earlier mantra, but it was hard to argue with such strong evidence for the opposite possibility.

The image of Hux’s fingers and mouth, spattered red with blood, played behind Kylo’s eyelids every time he blinked. He couldn’t get it out of his head. Did this mean he’d been wrong, that Hux _could_ die and that it’d be all Kylo’s fault? That was far from what he wanted; Hux would be dead already, otherwise. He’d been trying to _save_ Hux, just trying to get the assassination attempts to stop so he wouldn’t be forced to kill him when one eventually came too close to succeeding.

Frustrated all over again, Kylo laid down in bed as soon as he was finished with the droid and the food, huffing as he tried to find a position that didn’t make it harder to breathe. He just wanted to sleep and wake up and have this all be over, as impossible as it was. It was too much for his exhausted mind to process, especially with the memory of Hux’s blood burned into it forever.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this earlier, but I had my wisdom teeth out last weekend and the meds I was given soundly disagreed with my stomach lmao. So here's 2 chapters instead of one and I hope you enjoy the conclusion of this fic!

Kylo awoke the next morning with no memory of falling asleep. His eyes throbbed, even closed as they were, and the aches all over his body were even more pronounced. He felt hot, sweating a bit under the thin medbay blanket. Kriff, was he feverish now? Excellent, that was just what he needed.

He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised by it, considering that they seemed to be far from out of the woods yet. He hadn’t coughed up blood yet, so that was something at least. He hadn’t noticed Hux looking particularly feverish, though, and even Hux couldn’t hide something like that. Perhaps it was just affecting them differently, then.

Finally prying his eyes open, Kylo found that it was well after he usually woke according to the chrono on the wall and that his breakfast had been set on the counter nearest his bed. He groaned, irritated at his body for feeling like this. It was always easier to deal with any form of anger than the guilt still swimming in his mind; Kylo had discovered that years ago.

Hunger overriding misery, Kylo forced himself up, made to pause by another coughing fit, enough to grab the food from the counter. He looked over to see Hux resting, eyes closed, though it was unclear if he was actually asleep or just close to it. It was a strange thing to see; he’d been on his datapad, either working or reading (and had he ever actually been reading, or had he been secretly working, assuming Kylo wouldn’t check, which he hadn’t?). Hux didn’t sleep enough, even now, and it was perhaps the most worrying sign of all to see him actually doing what he was supposed to do for once.

A chill wracked Kylo’s frame, though he didn’t know if it was from the fever or from thinking about what Hux being at rest actually meant. It was so frustrating how, no matter what, he always seemed to hurt Hux, even though he never meant to. Okay, maybe he had meant to in the throne room and on Crait, but he wasn’t exactly in his right mind at the time. Kylo knew that didn’t excuse it, that nothing could excuse what he’d done, but he had tried to make it right, giving Hux his promotion, letting him work almost entirely undisturbed despite the danger, and openly reminding the troops and officers of Hux’s importance.

And yet, it had all still ended like this, with Hux infected with a potentially deadly disease because Kylo couldn’t figure out how to make peace with him and, like a kriffing child, he’d instead just tried to make him miserable, as if that was an answer. All he wanted was for Hux to think him capable and to be willing to work with him yet, every time, all he did was give Hux reasons to think the exact opposite.

Kylo shook his head, trying to dispel the thoughts spinning around his mind. It didn’t matter now. He focused on eating even though it was the last thing he wanted to do. It was hard to have an appetite when he felt so terrible, but he knew it was important. He had mass to lose, if he needed to, but he would not waste away in a medbay bed if he could help it.

Once he’d finished with the food, Kylo set the tray aside and buried himself back into the blankets, coughing wetly. Despite just having woken, his eyes burned like he hadn’t slept in days, exhaustion weighing him down. It was just the illness, he knew, and so he let himself doze, figuring there was nothing he needed to be awake for anyway.

He slept on and off for the morning and was eventually woken again by Hux coughing loudly, each spasm sounding painful. Kylo opened his eyes and looked to see Hux getting up and shuffling to the transparisteel wall to the outside world. He glanced over, seeing their usual medical officer there. It wasn’t evening already, was it?

Kylo checked the chrono to confirm it was indeed still the day cycle and then followed Hux, figuring it must be something important if she had come early. Even the effort of climbing out of bed hurt and Kylo swallowed a groan, coughing instead. Kriff, this was awful.

“It’s a twice daily dose,” the officer was explaining. “The hope is that you’ll stop bringing up blood when you cough, but even if you don’t, it will help minimize the effects.”

Hux grimaced, nodding. “I understand.”

The officer turned to Kylo. “Sir, I was just explaining to Grand Marshal Hux that the medication I gave him yesterday is needed twice a day. Either myself or another medical officer will bring it as required.”

Kylo nodded numbly, thinking it’d been foolish to get out of bed for this. He’d assumed it would be something important to both of them, not just another syringe for Hux.

“How much longer is this expected to last?” Hux asked suddenly. “The reports weren’t clear on the duration.”

“To be frank, we’re not entirely sure,” she admitted, expression serious. “The disease is native to Argovia and, despite being a developed world, Argovia does not have the same medical advancements as we do, particularly in the more rural areas, where cases are most common. So it has not been studied at the level we would prefer, nor have there been many reports on the survivors.

“It’s also a disease that is almost unheard of in the more advanced parts of the planet, thus why it hasn’t garnered much attention in the medical community there,” she continued, looking irritated. “What we do know is that it is bacterial, extraordinarily infectious, and that the mortality rate is nearly one hundred percent if left untreated.”

Kylo swallowed and he could sense Hux’s tension from beside him. That was not encouraging.

“There are also multiple presentations of the disease and you, sirs, unfortunately have the worst kind. It’s the pneumonic form – that is, it’s in your lungs. Fortunately, what few reports we were able to find suggest that it can be treated with reasonable success. Most of those treatments were done with an antibiotic cocktail, which is what we’ve given you.” She paused to breathe and Kylo wondered when she was actually going to answer Hux’s question. “It’s unclear if that’s actually necessary to cure it or if it was simply a ‘scorched planet’ approach.”

“Fire everything and something will kill it,” Kylo said, quietly; he was more than familiar with that tactic.

“Exactly,” she said, perking up slightly. “Now, these reports give variable durations, anywhere between seven and fourteen days, with some reporting even longer periods. It’s already been nearly six for you, but as you’re still getting worse and not better, I suspect we’re looking at the longer end of the spectrum.”

Hux grimaced. “I understand. I also appreciate such an in depth explanation of what we’re dealing with here.”

“Thank you, sir,” she said, her lips twitching up into a small smile. “I apologize if I said too much, but this sort of disease is exactly what I want to fight. I joined the First Order because diseases like this, that only kill the poor and the ‘undeveloped’ parts of a world, never got any attention under the Republic. I want to live in a world where diseases like this have been systematically eradicated by science and order.”

Hux smiled at that and Kylo blinked, not expecting such passion from her. He knew many, like Hux, were fanatical in their devotion, yet he’d never seen it this directly before. Kylo had always been an outsider to the Order, being raised in the Republic and only joining because that’s where Snoke was. But even then, he’d remained outside the true structure of it, treated the Order as more of a means to an end. Given that he was in charge now, he wasn’t sure whether to feel proud of her passion or uncomfortable by just how ‘other’ he still felt. Either way, she really was a shining example of the First Order.

“What’s your name, officer?” Hux asked, looking as proud as he ever had even as sick as he was.

“Cheif Medical Officer Viska, sir,” she said, saluting sharply.

“Officer Viska, your enthusiasm is a credit to the Order,” Hux said and Kylo nodded, hoping his agreement came across.

“Thank you, sirs,” Viska said, then placed the syringe in the transfer window. “Have the droid administer the medication, just like yesterday.”

With that, she took her leave, lightness in her step. Hux went to the transfer window to take the syringe and Kylo took his cue to go back to bed, still unsure how he felt about the conversation from earlier. He supposed it was good they were under the care of someone who felt so passionately about the Order and her job, at least.

The rest of the day passed without incident and Kylo continued to sleep on and off, interrupted only by his coughing fits as well as Hux’s. While his own were unpleasant, Hux’s still sounded so much worse. There were a couple of times where Hux had almost sounded like he was never going to stop, choked by the phlegm and blood coming up. It made Kylo’s chest tight just to listen to.

After their dinner and the new IV bags had arrived, Kylo was just returning to his bed after having his changed when another fit seized Hux. Hux doubled over, coughing uncontrollably, black cloth clutched tightly to his mouth. There was a pause, just long enough for Hux to suck in a ragged gasp, only for it to be expelled once again as another fit of coughs took him.

It didn’t stop and Kylo watched Hux’s eyes widen in panic: he couldn’t get air. The droid hadn’t intervened, so it must not have been life-threatening yet, but it still hurt to watch, Kylo’s chest aching in sympathy. Hux was struggling, helpless against the onslaught, and Kylo couldn’t watch anymore.

Very, very carefully, Kylo reached out with the Force, seeking Hux’s lungs. He could feel the rapid constriction and release, the way they pushed against Hux’s ribs dangerously with ever spasm, the worrying amount of fluid inside. Being as gentle as he could, Kylo gave a light shove against the blockage, feeling it loosen instantly.

Hux let out another hard cough and then gagged, whatever was stuck finally making its way out. As soon as he could, Hux sucked in air greedily, collapsing onto the edge of his bed, face red from the lack of air. It took a few minutes for his breathing to regulate, finally calming to a light pant.

As soon as it did, Hux fixed him with a sharp glare. Of course Hux would recognize the feel of the Force, even as an aid as opposed to violence. He’d had it used on him enough times before.

“What in the hells was that?” Hux snapped.

Kylo was taken aback; he’d expected grudging gratitude at best, but definitely not to be snapped at. “I just saved you! You should be thankful.”

“I don’t need to be bloody coddled, Ren!” Hux was angry now and Kylo was at a loss. “It would’ve come out on its own eventually.”

“I was trying to help you!” Kylo shouted. “What, would you have rather I let you suffer through it? Or let it get bad enough that the droid had to interfere?”

“Yes!” Kylo jerked back as if it was a physical blow; did Hux really hate him that much? “I don’t want anything from you, least of all your help! Have I not made that bloody clear yet?!”

Rage flashed through Kylo and he was suddenly standing again, his aching, weak body forgotten. “Fine! Next time, I’ll let you drown in your own fluids.”

He needed to leave, but there was nowhere to go aside from the small refresher, so that’s where Kylo went. The Force swirled around him, the Dark calling for him to use it, to rend and break and destroy, but he wasn’t so blinded by anger that he’d forgotten where he was. The room had only necessities, necessities that were not easily replaced given that the room was sealed. Destroying anything in here meant possibly killing them both.

Instead, Kylo locked himself in the refresher and punched the wall with the hand that didn’t have a needle in it. He immediately regretted it, the pain only intensifying the other aches in his body. Still, he pulled his arm back, noticing the fist-shaped dent in the durasteel wall, and got ready to do it again.

Before he could, his lungs seized, and now it was Kylo who was bent over coughing into his hand, rendered helpless by his own body. He screwed his eyes shut and let it happen, taking breaths when he could, knowing that fighting it would only make it worse. It still wasn’t as bad as the fit Hux had just gone through, but it was enough to make his ribs ache and his throat burn.

Finally, the coughs subsided, and Kylo gasped in air, glad it was over. He was too tired to chase the dying embers of his earlier rage; the moment had passed. He finally pulled himself upright and opened his eyes, going to wash his slimy hand in the sink.

As he did, he glanced down and stopped short; the wetness on his palm was red.

* * *

At least they were equal now, Kylo figured. The blood on his hand the previous night hadn’t shaken him as much as it probably should have, but given that he’d already had a moment of panic after seeing the same from Hux, he supposed it made sense. He still felt hot and feverish though, chills running through him at random intervals. That worried him more, given that Hux didn’t appear to be going through that as well.

He reported his symptoms to the medical officer that brought them breakfast and Viska came later with two syringes this time, one for each of them. She didn’t seem surprised that Kylo was catching up. He supposed it was likely to be expected, since they had the same disease. That really didn’t make it better, though. At the rate they were both going, Kylo was worried about the possibility of cracked ribs.

Kylo also made a point of saying nothing to Hux. Maybe it was petty, but it was clear Hux wanted nothing to do with him. Any hope he’d had from their few promising interactions had completely evaporated after the last fight they’d had. They may have both been in the same situation, but they certainly weren’t in this together. And if what Hux wanted was for Kylo to just leave him alone, then he would. He could figure out what to do about the assassination attempts once they’d survived this.

They both slept on and off, both paralyzed by coughing fits at random. Afternoon arrived and with it, an officer from the bridge. Mitaka again, it seemed. Had Hux summoned him or had something happened?

Hux looked confused as he slowly pushed himself up, appearing to struggle with it, so Kylo guessed it was the latter. He swallowed, bracing himself already. He highly doubted it was good news.

“Sirs,” Mitaka said once they’d both made it to the partition, looking grave. “I’m afraid I have news.”

Hux gave him a look that said ‘get on with it’, so Mitaka continued, “I regret to report that one of the officers in quarantine has perished from the disease and that there are a few more the medical staff fear may soon follow. The Chief Medical Officer sent me in her stead as she is currently tending to them.”

Kylo felt like the floor had dropped out from under him. He hadn’t… he’d never let himself think that someone would actually die from this, that even the First Order’s medicine couldn’t save them all. It was… This meant…

“Who was it?” Hux asked, his voice quiet and raspy from his continued coughing.

Mitaka gave the name of a Petty Officer Kylo had never heard of before, but Kylo made a point to remember it. He hadn’t listened before, when they’d been told how many were sick, but he could pay attention now. He was still reeling, unsure what this meant for him and for Hux, but the least he could do was remember this.

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” Hux said. “Is there anything else?”

“No, sirs, I was given nothing further to report,” Mitaka replied. “Though I also thought you would want to know that there have been no new cases found outside quarantine. The disease has been successfully contained.”

“Small mercies,” Hux muttered. “You’re dismissed, Lieutenant.”

Mitaka saluted then left, leaving them both in heavy silence. Kylo felt numbed to his core, the fact that this was _real_ hitting him hard. He’d known, of course he had, but he’d refused to truly believe anyone would die. It had been too much to consider, yet here they were, hearing about the first casualty of his own foolishness.

Kylo returned to his cot, sitting on the edge and trying to keep his breathing steady so as not to set off another coughing fit. He was barely aware of Hux doing the same, looking equally as stricken. It seemed neither of them had been prepared for this development.

“Ren,” Hux said, causing Kylo to look up, “given today’s events, I think it’s time we discussed the future of the Order.”

Hux looked hollow, like there was nothing left of him, as he said it. Kylo made a face; was Hux truly giving up so easily? Yes, this was a lot to process and Kylo was deeply shaken as well, but they couldn’t just… Kylo would not lie down and accept this was his end and he couldn’t believe Hux was ready to do just that.

“We don’t know what’s going to happen,” Kylo pointed out.

“Exactly.” Hux didn’t even sneer, his face uncomfortably blank. “We don’t know what’s going to happen to us. There needs to be a plan in place, something for them to follow if we…”

Hux couldn’t even say it and Kylo wanted to be angry about that, but nothing came. “One person died, yes, but that doesn’t mean we will. How can you just give up like that?”

“I’m not giving up, I’m being practical,” Hux explained. “There is a very real possibility we will not survive this. We can’t let the Order die with us.”

“Listen to yourself!” There was the anger Kylo had wished for a moment ago, though it was short lived, his throat aching just from shouting three words. “You sound like you’re ready to climb into a coffin.”

Hux sighed, rubbing a palm against his face. “I am not giving up, I’m simply recognizing the reality of the situation. Things don’t just work out because you want them to, Ren. People die before their time due to pedestrian causes. There’s no reason to think we’re an exception to that.”

Kylo stood suddenly, distressed by just how complacent Hux was being in the face of this. This was not the Hux he knew, the one who’d tried to kill him time and time again, who’d survived everything thrown at him up until now. This was worse than the false subordination from before – now his docility was real.

Kylo took the few steps over to where Hux sat on his cot, causing him to look up in surprise. He placed his hands on Hux’s shoulder, gripping firmly but not enough to cause any pain. He stared down at Hux, eyes locked with his, desperate to get through to him.

“Listen to me: this is not a death sentence. We’re sick, we’re in danger, that’s all true, but we are not dead yet,” Kylo said, willing the words to break through. “You’re strong and so am I. We both have far too many dreams to lie down and give up now. Do you understand me?”

“Ren, you don’t know-”

“No, I don’t. But neither do you. We don’t know what’s going to happen so _stop assuming the worst_.”

Hux blinked and Kylo could see him processing. He needed Hux to come back to himself, to not give in to despair. If he spiraled, Kylo knew he wouldn’t be able to resist following. Maybe Hux didn’t want anything from Kylo, but Kylo needed Hux’s iron will. He hadn’t realized how much he valued that about Hux until he saw it break.

“I suppose you’re right,” Hux finally admitted, some of the life coming back to his eyes.

“I am right,” Kylo said, earning him an eyeroll; that was definitely a good sign, “and you know it. You of all people know that troops with low morale lose fights they should otherwise be able to win. This is no different.”

“All right, fine, you’ve made your point,” Hux said, looking more himself.

“Good,” Kylo said, smiling slightly. “The man I promoted to Grand Marshal would not go quietly into death. He’d be kicking and biting the whole way and I’d expect nothing less from him.”

Hux rolled his eyes again, exasperated, but Kylo was just pleased to see the moment was over. In truth, he hadn’t fully believed his own words until he’d said them, but now he felt their truth. They couldn’t give up yet.

It was then that Kylo realized he was still holding Hux’s shoulders so he let go, rubbing his hands together to get the strange, tingling feeling in them to fade. He blamed it on the situation and the human tendency to seek out physical contact in times of stress. That was something he definitely couldn’t ask Hux for.

Hux furrowed his brow, like he was considering something, and then he was reaching a hand up. Kylo froze, flinching slightly when the back of Hux’s hand came in contact with his forehead. Nothing happened beyond that, though, so Kylo relaxed, watching Hux with confusion. Hux paid him no mind, just keeping his hand pressed there.

“You have a fever,” Hux said, stating the obvious as he pulled his hand back.

“I know. I’ve had it for a few days.”

Hux frowned. “You’re sweating. Is it getting worse or better?”

Kylo really wasn’t sure, given that he didn’t have anything to measure it with. “Uh, worse? I think?”

“Tell Viska next time she comes by,” Hux said. “If you get much hotter, it’s going to be a problem.”

Kylo furrowed his brow. “How can you tell that with just your hand?”

Hux blinked and something seemed to shutter over his eyes, locking some emotion away. “It’s not important. I have experience with fevers. Just be sure to mention it.”

“Okay,” Kylo said, feeling like there was something more going on there, “I’ll do that.”

Hux nodded, seeming satisfied. For a long moment, they both just stayed where they were, Kylo standing and Hux sitting, staring at each other. The air was heavy with tension but it wasn’t like before, the distrust and anger. Kylo couldn’t identify what it was, yet he couldn’t bring himself to move.

What felt like ages later, Hux was the one to break the spell, saying, “You should get some rest. If you want that speech of yours to be true, you’ll need it.”

There was a hint of a smirk on Hux’s face and Kylo just shook his head, amused. At least this felt normal, an unspoken scale rebalanced. Knowing that someone had died still weighed heavily on them both, Kylo knew, but there was nothing they could do but try to not end up the same way. Survival was all that mattered.

* * *

Kylo slept fitfully that night, alternating between sweating and freezing. Distantly, he knew that meant his fever was getting worse, but it was like there was a fog in his mind, too dense to get through. He’d wake up just enough to feel like he was boiling from the inside out and sloppily kick the blanket off then fall asleep again and wake shaking, so cold he felt like he was back on Starkiller. He was never fully lucid when he woke, only enough to register the temperature and attempt to fix it.

He wasn’t sure what time it was now or even when he’d woken proper, just that his head was spinning even though he was lying completely still. He was hot again, his body soaked with sweat even after he’d accidentally kicked the blanket to the floor. Kylo opened the medical gown as much as he could without compromising his modesty – a strange thing to be worried about at a time like this, he thought – but it barely helped, the unmoving air of the quarantine room unbearably warm and stale.

A fit of coughs took him by surprise, only making him sweat more, and Kylo moaned as soon as he’d caught his breath after. He felt awful and the childish urge to let out a high-pitched whine built in his throat, but he managed to swallow it down. Kriff, he was almost in awe of just how miserable he felt.

Another sudden chill overtook him and Kylo shivered, his teeth clacking together. Realizing the blanket was on the floor, he almost tried to reach for it, but quickly decided that was a bad idea, given how dizzy he was. He curled into a ball instead, trying to preserve as much heat as he could even while knowing he had little hope of feeling warmer this way.

He heard some beeping from the corner and then a whirring noise, indicating the droid was moving around. Kylo remembered what Hux had said yesterday about if the fever got any worse; it seems he’d been right about it being a problem. The droid approached and then scanned Kylo, beeping again when it was done. As always, it didn’t give any results, but Kylo didn’t need the droid’s report to know this was bad.

Somehow, despite the way he shook from the imagined cold, Kylo slipped back into sleep for a time, waking later to find himself curled under the blanket again. He furrowed his brow, unsure how that could’ve happened. Had he somehow managed to pick it back up without remembering? He doubted it and he knew the droid didn’t have the dexterity for that. The only other option was that Hux had done it, but that was impossible. Hux wouldn’t help him.

The moment of comfort didn’t last long, however, and the heat returned quickly. Kylo made a distressed noise as he pushed the blankets off again, frustrated with how his limbs felt sluggish and heavy. He hated this. Through it all, unconsciousness pulled at him, promising him it’d be as easy to slip off as it was to slide into a warm bath. It didn’t feel like he was sleeping and waking anymore, but more like he was bobbing up and down on the barrier between the two, slipping in and out against his will. Kylo closed his eyes.

When he opened them, it felt like he’d fallen asleep again, but he wasn’t sure. There was something on his forehead, cool and wet. Kylo blinked, even his eyelids feeling tired. It was a cloth, he realized, carefully folded and balanced on his face to help cool him down. How had it gotten there?

Looking to the side, Kylo saw the droid injecting something into his IV line, its whirring likely what had woken him. He couldn’t tell if it was his usual medication for the bloody coughs or something to help with the fever. Force, he hoped it was for the fever. Something inside him, beyond the fog in his mind, knew he was in bad shape now.

Kylo didn’t want to admit it, but he was scared and hurting and he just wanted to feel better. There was a vague memory deep down, from someone he used to be, of soft, caring hands gently petting his sweaty hair and placing a cool cloth on his burning forehead. Kylo closed his eyes, tears pricking at the corners. He didn’t want to remember, but it felt _so nice_. He couldn’t recall the last time someone had treated him so tenderly and he _wanted_ , despite all that he was supposed to be.

A part of him begged for it, for the simple relief of being cared for. He knew, logically, that it wouldn’t actually make him better, but it would make him _feel_ better, even if only marginally, and that was enough of a temptation right now. Nausea churned in his stomach, adding to all of the other terrible things he was feeling right now. He whimpered, and then hoped he’d only imagined doing so.

Later, or at least he thought it was – and when had it become so difficult to tell how much time had passed? – Kylo realized the cloth on his forehead had gotten warm, no longer soothing his burning skin. He made a noise and pushed it off, uncaring of where it landed. He thought he heard movement from the other side of the room, from where Hux was, but he could already feel himself drifting back under. As his eyes closed of their own volition, he thought he saw a flash of orange, and then there was another cloth, cool again, and a whisper of fingertips against his skin. Kylo just barely managed to moan in relief.

Kylo woke again with a start, feeling more awake than he had all day.  He still felt warm, but no longer the burning, sickening heat that had consumed him for what he thought was the better part of a day. It felt like evening and a quick glance at the chrono confirmed it; it wasn’t quite the night cycle yet, but it was only a few hours away.

The cloth was warm again, so Kylo removed it, and then the sound of shuffling steps caught his attention. He sat up a bit and looked to find Hux returning from the refresher, a cloth in his hand. Kylo squinted at it; was he just getting a new one to cough into or was it indeed Hux who had tried to help him? It didn’t seem possible and yet Kylo had no other explanation for the cloth on his forehead and its constant replacement.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Hux said, surprised. “Did your fever finally break?”

“I think so…” Kylo said and then paused to cough, the still damp cloth being the closest one to cover his mouth with. “I can think again, at least.”

“Ah, well, that’s not exactly reassuring.” There was a slight smile on Hux’s face and Kylo was beginning to think maybe he wasn’t actually better and was now just hallucinating.

He ignored the dig, though, more curious about other things. “How bad did it get?”

“You were nearly critical,” Hux said, sitting down and then pausing to ride out his own coughing fit. “The droid reported your temperature to Viska and she brought some medication to help bring it down. It turns out that’s what killed the Petty Officer, too. His temperature got too high and he started seizing.”

Kylo swallowed; it was probably for the best he hadn’t found that out yesterday. “I see.”

Hux looked down and fiddled with the cloth in his hands, seeming uncomfortable. Kylo wanted to ask about it, to confirm if Hux had anything to do with it. He’d probably just lie and get angry again, but it was worth a shot, wasn’t it?

“The cloth… Was that you?” Kylo asked and Hux looked up at him, surprised again. “I mean, there was one on my forehead and I know it was changed…”

Hux just stared at him, something there in his gaze that Kylo couldn’t read. “You should get some more sleep. You’re not quite out of the asteroid field yet.”

Kylo pursed his lips but laid back down anyway, getting comfortable. It was an obvious deflection from Hux and Kylo wasn’t sure what to make of that. Did it mean Hux _had_ helped? It seemed so impossible, after everything else, yet it also appeared to be the only possibility. If anything, Kylo would’ve expected Hux to take advantage of his helplessness and finish him off. The idea of Hux not only not doing that, but actively attempting to help him made Kylo’s head spin just considering it.

“Thank you,” Kylo murmured as he closed his eyes, fully expecting Hux to ignore him.

“Go to sleep, Ren.” It sounded like he might have been smiling.

* * *

“If we do die from this,” Kylo started, voice hoarse from being sick for so long, “what would you regret the most?”

It was afternoon, though time had ceased to mean much here. They both slept most of the time anyway and the only markers of any schedule were the delivery of their meals and medications. It always felt oddly like the late hours of the night, when it started to become morning, like they were constantly in that strange transitional period between one day and the next that both felt like it could last forever and that it could end at any moment.

Earlier, they’d found out that the death toll had risen. One was lost to fever, like the first, and a few more had succumbed to respiratory distress. It felt different than the first time, in the wake of Kylo’s fever and the continued decline of their bodies. They couldn’t just dismiss it anymore and there was little more the medical officers could do, Viska had told them. Now it was just a waiting game to see how it would turn out and Kylo could no longer deny it scared him.

“You mean aside from letting you claim the title of Supreme Leader?” Hux said, apparently still capable of a sense of humour.

Kylo huffed, then succumbed to another coughing fit. “Is that really the worst thing you can think of?”

“I don’t think you want me to answer that,” Hux said and then paused to think. “I suppose it would really be that my father was right. I was a sickly child, always coming down with every kriffing illness that made it on to the ship. He always told me I was weak for being so susceptible – as if viruses and bacteria could be overcome with will alone – and that I’d die because of it. I’d hate for that bastard to be right about anything.”

Suddenly, all of Hux’s behaviour regarding their illness made sense. His denial, his anger, his resignation; Kylo had an idea of how Hux felt about his father, considering the whispers about Brendol’s untimely demise. He was sure that wasn’t the whole story, but it was telling enough. Kylo couldn’t help feeling uncomfortably sympathetic.

“It doesn’t matter, really,” Hux said, sounding wistful, “but since you wanted to know, there you have it. What about you, then? What would you regret most?”

Another deflection, he knew, but Kylo let Hux have it. He had to think, anyway. He felt like he had so many regrets it was hard to pick just one. Was it killing Han Solo? Part of him did regret that, but what was the alternative? Go back to those he knew didn’t want him? Even before that, he’d done too much to be forgiven by them. Was it perhaps the scavenger then, thinking for a moment that she might understand? No, Kylo knew what it was.

“Crait,” he said quietly. “Everything on Crait. Skywalker, the battle, you. And the throne room, too. I regret all of it.”

Hux just stared at him, open-mouthed, and Kylo felt a familiar stab of guilt. He thought he’d managed to make his remorse clear to Hux already since, but perhaps he hadn’t. He’d given Hux everything he wanted save the title of Leader and thought it had been understood as the apology it was. Had that been missed all along?

Kylo suddenly knew what he had to do and so he climbed out of bed, despite how weak he felt, and shuffled over to where Hux was sitting on the edge of his. He wanted to be at eye level with Hux but he didn’t trust his legs enough to kneel, so hunched over and leaning against the IV stand would have to do. The words felt like a lump in his throat but Kylo knew he had to say them.

“I’m sorry, Hux,” he said. “I fucked up and there’s no excuse for it, no matter how upset or distracted or out of my mind I was. I swear, I will never harm you again.”

Hux continued to gape at him, the shock plain on his face. So he hadn’t understood, then. Kylo wondered if any of this ever would’ve happened had he just done this in the first place. Maybe Hux wouldn’t have believed him and still would’ve tried to kill him, but maybe they could’ve come to an accord. Maybe they could’ve been allies instead of enemies and would never have been infected with this awful plague.

“Well,” Hux said, apparently trying to salvage what little decorum he still clung to, even here and now, “I must admit, Ren, I never expected that of you.”

“I tried to show you,” Kylo said, uselessly.

“How?” Hux asked, brow furrowed. “In all honesty, I thought you were just trying to get as much work out of me as you could before you killed me yourself.”

Kylo couldn’t disguise his horror at the suggestion. “No! I never wanted you dead. Okay, maybe I did before, but never seriously. Hux, I can’t lead without you, no one could. I know you don’t like me being in charge of you, but I wanted to work _with_ you. That’s why I gave you the promotion Snoke always denied you. I thought it would make you happy.”

Hux suddenly laughed, an ugly sound with how rough his voice was that quickly morphed into coughing. “I thought you were trying to placate me, get me to let my guard down and make my eventual humiliation that much worse.”

“I never wanted that,” Kylo said, saddened that this is what they had been reduced to. “I’m sorry I ever made you think it.”

“To be fair, you did attack me. Twice. You can’t really blame me for thinking that.” Hux sighed shallowly, the most he could do given the current state of his lungs. “I suppose there is a lot we should’ve discussed. I’m sure the Order has suffered for it, as well.”

_As have we both,_ Kylo thought, but didn’t say. It felt good, though, to finally get through and make some progress, even if it was just a start. If only he’d tried apologizing before instead of that foolish trip to Argovia. Kylo had honestly never thought of it and he was a bit ashamed of himself for not doing so earlier.

“Any other star-shattering secrets you’d like to share? They say one’s deathbed is the time for it, after all,” Hux said, though the amused smirk didn’t reach his eyes.

Kylo thought about it. “I killed Snoke, not the girl.”

Hux rolled his eyes. “That, I knew. Honestly, did you really think I believed such an obvious lie?”

Kylo blinked at him, taken aback. He had truly thought Hux had believed him. He wondered what might have happened had he told the truth about that from the beginning. Would it have helped or just made things worse? Would it even have changed anything at all?

His pondering was cut off by another fit of coughs, stealing his breath and paralyzing him. Kylo had left his cloth back on his cot so he covered his mouth with his hand, aware it would be disgusting once he was done. But that was a secondary worry at the moment, compared to breathing, when every time he managed to take a breath, his lungs would spasm again, pushing it back out. He couldn’t get air and he couldn’t help but remember that some of the crew had died this way. Panic seized him, only exacerbating the fit.

Suddenly, there was a hand on his back and it startled Kylo enough to cause another painful spasm, but then it started moving in slow, soft circles. It shouldn’t have helped, yet Kylo couldn’t deny the wash of comfort that spread through him, easing his panic even if only by a little. Finally, he gagged out some more fluid into his hand and then took a shuddering breath, grateful for the air.

Hux, now standing, was still rubbing his back as he recovered and it felt so good Kylo almost wanted to cry. He breathed through the aftermath, slowly recovering from the fit. When he was back to a light pant, Kylo glanced down at his hand and grimaced at the combination of blood and phlegm collected there.

The hand on Kylo’s back left, making him shiver at the loss, and then Hux surprised him yet again by picking up the cloth he had by his own bed. Making a face, he then used it on Kylo’s hand, wiping him clean. Kylo watched, frozen, unsure what to do with Hux being so uncharacteristically nice.

“Thanks,” he said, feeling awkward.

Hux shrugged, like it was nothing, but there was a light flush on his cheeks that didn’t look like it was just from being sick. “I may not have the Force, but I can at least try to return the favour.”

Kylo just looked at him, hoping the gratitude showed on his face. He had the sudden urge to lean in, to feel that closeness again. It may have just been human nature, but he wanted it, more than he knew he should. He wanted to ask Hux for more but he didn’t know how.

“Hux, I…” he started, but trailed off, nibbling at his chapped lips.

_That was nice_ , he thought, projecting it out and hoping Hux would hear it. _If we do die, I just… I want you to know that._

Hux’s eyes widened, startled by the voice in his head. He didn’t panic though, or get angry and start shouting. Instead, he tentatively shifted closer, like he was trying to do something he didn’t know how to. He reached one hand up, behind Kylo’s head and Kylo ducked instinctively. The hand settled on the back of his head, cool and solid, then gently pushed. Kylo let it happen, his forehead ending up resting on Hux’s shoulder.

A shudder passed through him, the feeling of being held, even so loosely, was entirely foreign but oh so welcome. He felt Hux sigh against him and Kylo reached out and did the same with the hand not clutching his IV stand, pressing Hux’s head to his shoulder in return. Hux stiffened, clearly not having expected reciprocation, then relaxed, melting into it as much as Kylo had.

They stayed like that, in an awkward imitation of a hug. They each had one hand on their respective IV stands, unable to fully embrace, yet it felt so good it was intoxicating. Kylo would’ve been perfectly content to remain where they were forever. The touch of another was such a simple comfort, something he shouldn’t want or need, but in the face of possible death, Kylo didn’t care enough to deny himself when it was freely offered.

Stranger still was the fact that it was Hux, of all people, that was the one giving him this. But hadn’t he always wanted things to be different between them? This hadn’t been what Kylo had pictured, yet there was nothing he could imagine wanting more at the moment than feeling Hux against him, warm and solid and alive. He hadn’t even known this was an option and he idly wondered if it ever had been before, if he ever might’ve wanted it to be.

When they finally broke apart, both hesitant, Kylo looked at Hux, a question he couldn’t ask in his eyes.

“No one wants to die alone, Ren,” Hux explained, leaning forward to press his forehead against Kylo’s.

* * *

Kylo woke to the sound of Hux having another fit. His chest clenched from a mixture of nerves and sympathy. He didn’t know how long Hux had been coughing for, but it sounded like a bad one. He sat up, gathering the Force and preparing to try to help again.

Before he could, though, Hux took a sudden, gasping breath, only to descend back into coughing, his whole body stiffening against it. A stab of fear went through Kylo; this wasn’t a normal fit. He readied the Force again, only to see the droid float out from its usual corner, coming to Hux’s side.

It scanned him as Hux kicked at the bed, desperately trying to breathe and Kylo just watched, heart in his throat. He didn’t have enough knowledge of the healing aspects of the Force to risk trying something when Hux’s condition was this critical. He felt helpless, just sitting and watching while the droid finished the scan.

The droid beeped in alarm, high and shrill, and then it produced a needle. It quickly floated to the head of the bed and used one appendage to hold Hux’s head still and then thrust the needle into Hux’s neck, dispensing some sort of medication with a click. Kylo barely dared to breathe, watching as Hux continued to wheeze and struggle futilely despite the injection. The droid pulled back too, observing.

Not soon enough, Hux gasped again, but this time he managed to keep it in, able to take a second breath. A few coughs escaped him still, but he was breathing now, his body finally relaxing on the bed. The droid scanned him again as he panted and, once it was done, apparently satisfied with the results, it floated back to its corner.

Kylo was standing before he’d even thought about it, making his way to Hux’s cot as quickly as he could. Hux was shaking and Kylo reached out to place a steadying hand on his shoulder, watching as his own fingers trembled as well. Blood and fluid dribbled from Hux’s mouth down his chin and his breathing was still laboured. Kylo didn’t need to be a doctor to know that had been a very close call.

Before he could say or do anything more, Viska was there at the barrier, looking like she’d just woken up as well. Kylo glanced at the chrono and, sure enough, it was well into the night cycle. He told Hux to stay where he was and then made his way to the barrier.

“Has he recovered?” Viska asked immediately.

“He seems all right now,” Kylo said. “It was close, though.”

“It was,” Viska agreed, lips pursed. “I’m afraid there’s still nothing more we can do for either of you outside of emergency measures when required.”

Kylo nodded, somber. He knew there were limits to medicine, even in the First Order. He’d read that healing with the Force could accomplish even more, if one knew how to do it, but that was far beyond Kylo’s skills in that area. He’d been taught to destroy, not to heal. Part of him wished he knew more, now; there were legends that said one could stop death itself.

“Still, I’m pleased to see the Grand Marshal is still with us,” Viska continued when Kylo didn’t say anything. “The droid is already set at the highest vigilance level and I will continue to review the results of your scans personally.”

“Do that,” Kylo said absently.

Viska wished them both luck and then took her leave, saying she hoped she didn’t have to see them again before it was time to give them their next doses of medication. Kylo hoped the same, still shaken by seeing Hux so close to death. If it happened again, would Hux pull through? Or would it be Kylo to experience it next? Kylo hated feeling so scared and uncertain.

He returned to Hux’s cot to check on him, finding Hux had cleaned himself up during Kylo’s conversation with Viska. He was breathing normally now, or at least as close to normally as either of them were capable of with the amount of fluid in their lungs, and Kylo couldn’t help the flash of relief he felt. That had been far too close a call.

“I thought that was going to be it,” Hux confessed, his expression oddly blank.

Kylo made a noise in his throat, less like acknowledgement and more like desperation than he’d intended. He couldn’t think of anything to say. That nearly _had_ been it for Hux and Kylo didn’t know what he’d do if Hux died from this, died because of something Kylo had done. While he was afraid for himself too, he didn’t know how he could live with himself if Hux were to succumb to this disease.

He wanted to be held again, to have that comfort, and Kylo tried to quash it, but failed. He thought there was a possibility of Hux being willing to touch him again, given what he’d said, but how did one ask for that? Kylo didn’t think just climbing into the cot with Hux and entangling himself with him was appropriate without knowing for sure.

“Are you doing that on purpose?” Hux asked and Kylo had no idea what he was talking about. “I suppose not, then. You… project what you want sometimes. You never did it before, or maybe I was just never around you enough to notice it. You did it when your fever got bad, too.”

Kylo’s mouth fell open and he blinked at Hux. He hadn’t realized he was doing that. He hadn’t really been monitoring his connection to the Force since they’d fallen ill outside of when he needed it. He hadn’t been focusing it, either, too exhausted to meditate. Mastery of the Force required maintenance, he’d been taught that twice. Kylo turned away, embarrassed; he hadn’t realized he was leaking his thoughts the same way he had when he was a child.

“Well, come on, then,” Hux said as he patted the bed, causing Kylo to look at him again. “Either we’re going to die, in which case this won’t matter, or we can go back to hating each other once we’ve survived this.”

_We don’t have to,_ Kylo thought, taking Hux’s invitation and carefully climbing into the cot instead of saying the words aloud. This wasn’t the time, not when they didn’t even know if they were going to live to see that eventuality. For now, Kylo was more interested in the way Hux moved to make room for him, the way their clammy bodies slid together as they got comfortable, and the way the space between Hux’s neck and shoulder seemed to fit Kylo’s face perfectly when he hid it there.

He took as deep a breath as he could and released it, relaxing into Hux’s embrace. Hux smelled like sickness and stale sweat, as Kylo was sure he did too, but he felt safe like this, hidden from the world in Hux’s arms. He wrapped his own around Hux in turn and felt Hux shudder, pressing even closer against him. Sleep called to him, the warm comfort of another body only making it all the more tempting. Kylo closed his eyes and let it happen, ‘no one wants to die alone’ ringing through his mind.


	4. Chapter 4

They slept the last few hours of the night together like that and spent the rest of the following day and night sharing Hux’s bed as well. Viska came at roughly the same times every day with their medications, so it was a simple matter to part for the few minutes it took to get their injections and new IV bags. Beyond that, their meals were always brought by droids now, the rest of the medical staff too busy caring for the other plague victims to bother delivering them. Kylo wasn’t about to complain, not when it meant he could spend more time with Hux like this.

It was nice, having someone to hold him through every coughing fit and holding Hux in return during his. When Kylo’s thoughts turned dark, sure he wasn’t going to survive this, Hux was there, letting him cling and gently petting his greasy hair while Kylo pretended he wasn’t crying. In response, when Hux went stiff and shut down, Kylo knew to curl around him and hold him close until the fear passed. When they were awake, they talked, too, whispering things they never could’ve said to anyone else, memories from pasts tinged with pain. Hux had once had a cat named Millicent, it turned out, and Kylo had told him stories of his life under another name in return. It was nice, to have that connection with someone and Kylo had come to crave it. If this was how he was going to die, Kylo was grateful he could at least have such comforts.

The next morning Kylo awoke laying on his side, Hux pressed against his back with an arm around his waist. The beds were not large, but it didn’t matter, given that they remained wrapped up in each other anyway. There was no shame, any remaining hesitation having been lost over the course of the illness. Kylo hadn’t known Hux could be like this and he couldn’t help hoping it was something they could explore more if and when they made it through this. Perhaps he was just setting himself up for disappointment and Hux would have no further use for him once he was no longer in imminent danger, but hope had been in short supply for long enough that Kylo couldn’t bring himself to crush it.

He shifted in the bed, feeling more awake than he had in days. He stretched, his muscles still sore, and felt Hux stir behind him. Hux released him when Kylo said he was going to the refresher and Kylo got out of bed, stopped by another fit of coughs before he could move anywhere. It passed quickly, though, faster than usual.

Kylo considered that as he made his way to the refresher. He didn’t want to think it, in case it wasn’t true, but he _felt better_. Not a lot, but enough that it was undeniable. Even walking, which still presented a bit of a challenge, seemed easier, every step less exhausting than it had been only yesterday. Could he actually be pulling through?

Once in the refresher, Kylo relieved himself and then poured a glass of water from the sink. The IV kept him hydrated so Kylo wasn’t thirsty, but his mouth tasted stale and disgusting. Without a toothbrush or anything else, there was no way for him to get rid of it completely, but drinking the glass of water helped. It wouldn’t be until after they’d eaten that it would fully go away, but this was better than nothing.

Kylo walked back to Hux’s cot, still thinking about how he felt. Was it just an illusion, brought on by the unlikely comfort and companionship he had with Hux? Or was there something to it? The idea that this ordeal could be over, with them both surviving, was so tempting to believe, despite the danger of being wrong.

He didn’t climb back into bed immediately, knowing their breakfast would be there any minute. Meanwhile, Hux took his turn in the refresher and by the time he’d returned, the food had arrived. Kylo took both trays back to Hux’s bed and they both got comfortable, eating together on the tiny cot as they had the previous day.

The silence was companionable but Kylo couldn’t help wondering if perhaps Hux felt the same as he did. If they both felt better, he reasoned, then it was most likely real.

“Do you feel any different today?” Kylo asked, daring to look up from his food.

Hux chewed thoughtfully for a moment. “Now that you mention it, I don’t feel quite as dreadful today as I have.”

Kylo chewed his lip. “Do you think… could that mean we’re getting better?”

“Possibly,” Hux said and then hummed, taking another bite. “They do say, though, that those about to die usually feel better right before. More energetic, more alive. And then they just… drop off.”

Cold dread washed through Kylo’s stomach. That wasn’t… he’d thought they were going to be okay, only to have Hux crush it like it was nothing. The hope Kylo had felt only moments ago was now all but gone.

“Why did you have to say that?” Kylo asked, accusing.

Hux shrugged, like it was nothing. “It’s a fact and I… well, I don’t want to get my hopes up if this isn’t actually a positive development.”

“That doesn’t mean it isn’t,” Kylo pointed out, trying to argue with the fear building inside him more than Hux himself.

“That’s true,” Hux allowed and then sighed. “After so long of being convinced this was to be my end, I suppose it’s difficult to believe otherwise.”

Hux finished his food and set aside his empty tray while Kylo considered that. Kylo completely understood; he hadn’t wanted to believe it either, just because of the possibility he could’ve been wrong. But he still had hope, a small flicker surviving despite Hux’s words and his own fears. More than anything, he didn’t want this to be their end.

“If we do survive…” Kylo started, hesitant, looking down at his food instead of at Hux. “What happens after this?”

“Everything goes back to normal, obviously,” Hux said, like it was that simple.

Kylo didn’t know what normal was anymore, after everything that had happened. He knew more about Hux than he ever had before and he hadn’t felt this close to anyone since he’d become Kylo Ren. It wouldn’t be easy to give it up and pretend nothing happened.

He didn’t know how to say that, though, not without giving away all that he truly wanted and risking Hux’s rejection. He’d come to enjoy Hux’s presence, his way with words, his touch. Even worse, he _wanted_ it and he couldn’t imagine going back to hating each other. Hate wasn’t the emotion he felt for Hux anymore.

“I suppose,” he finally said, sullenly setting his empty tray aside.

He lay down fully again, turning his back to Hux. He hated himself for wanting what he couldn’t have, once again, but he couldn’t help craving it. There had always been a part of him that wanted to impress Hux, that wanted Hux to see him as someone capable. He’d always thought it had just been another part of their rivalry, another way to get even with him, but what if that wasn’t it? This time spent together, involuntary as it was, raised so many questions. Given time, Kylo couldn’t help but wonder if he could love Hux.

An arm wrapping around him from behind startled Kylo out of his thoughts. “Come now, what are you sulking about?”

Before, Kylo would never have said anything about it, but now, given how open things had become between them, he couldn’t resist. “What if I don’t want things to go back to normal?”

“What do you mean?” Hux asked, genuine confusion in his tone.

“I mean with us!” Kylo said, louder than he’d meant to. “I don’t want to go back to hating you. I don’t want to go back to you thinking I’m going to kill you and trying to kill me before I have the chance.”

Hux tensed behind him, silent for too long before he asked, quietly, “You knew about that?”

“Of course I knew! I know you think I’m incompetent, but I’m not a complete idiot. It wasn’t just the convenient ‘accidents’, you tried to poison me multiple times. Who else would be stubborn enough to keep taking that risk and good enough at it that I could never prove it?”

“You can’t exactly blame me,” Hux said, defensive. “I already told you I thought you were going to use me and humiliate me as much as you could before you killed me.”

Kylo made a frustrated noise. “I know. And I’m still sorry for that, but are you honestly telling me that’s what you want to go back to?”

“No!” Kylo blinked, taken aback. “What I meant by ‘normal’ is we both go back to our _jobs_. If I’d still wanted you dead after you explained yourself, did I not have ample opportunity? I could’ve deactivated the droid and suffocated you, then told Viska you’d just had an episode and stopped breathing.”

That… was very true. Kylo honestly hadn’t really considered just how vulnerable he’d been, more than once, while locked in a room with Hux. And with how close to death they both had been, no one would’ve questioned it.

“I… you’re right,” Kylo said and the words tasted far less bitter than they ever had before. “I just… we can’t pretend nothing has changed between us after all this.”

He felt Hux shift behind him, seeming uncomfortable. “No, we can’t, but us being able to work together for once will be nothing but a benefit to the Order.”

Of course Hux was only thinking about the Order, but Kylo felt a familiar recklessness take hold. “And what about on a personal level?”

There was a long paused before Hux answered. “I don’t know, Ren, but I believe that is something best decided if and when we reach it.”

Kylo frowned, but he understood where Hux was coming from with that. They didn’t know what was going to happen or how they’d feel once they got to that point. Perhaps what Kylo felt for Hux now wasn’t even real and would pass as soon as he’d spent a night in his own quarters, alone for the first time since this had all began. It could be solely a product of the situation and nothing more.

“Sleep,” Hux said, sounding halfway there himself. “If we really are getting better, let’s not risk it by wasting energy dwelling on uncertainties.”

* * *

Despite the doubts about both the present and future, Kylo slept soundly and did so on and off for most of the day, as was his routine now. When they talked, they spoke of lighter things after that, nothing of any emotional consequence. Viska stopped by in the evening, as she always did and Kylo told her they’d been feeling a little better. She perked up at that and promised to keep a close eye on the results of their scans to look for signs of improvements.

The next day, Kylo felt even better when he woke, able to take a deeper breath than he’d been able to in days. He still coughed some but the fits didn’t last as long and less blood and fluid came up than before, giving him hope. He certainly didn’t feel like he was going to die, like Hux had suggested. Was the treatment really working?

Viska came early that day, fortunately while Kylo had been in the refresher and therefore not in Hux’s bed. She was smiling, an expression Kylo hadn’t seen from her in a while. His heart soared; did that mean he’d been right?

“Sirs,” she said, once they’d both come to the barrier, “I have good news to report. Your bodies are starting to recover and the cell counts of the bacteria that caused this are dropping rapidly. The treatment is working.”

Kylo wanted to throw himself at Hux and hug him close, but managed to resist with Viska present. “That’s excellent news.”

“You’ll still need to be quarantined until your symptoms have fully disappeared and then for a few more days after that, but once we’ve confirmed you’re not contagious, you’ll be free to go,” she explained, beaming. “Your treatment will continue until we’re certain your bodies are clear, but your symptoms should start improving immediately. You’ll get better a lot faster than you got worse.”

Viska then bid them farewell and Kylo felt lighter than air. The treatment was working. They were going to live. The nightmare was nearly over. Elation swelled in his chest and Kylo turned to Hux, wanting to voice his relief.

Hux interrupted him, though, taking Kylo’s face in one hand and crashing their lips together. Kylo’s brain short-circuited for a moment, stunned by the kiss, but then he let it happen, placing the hand not on his IV stand on the back of Hux’s neck and kissing back. The kiss itself wasn’t great, given their chapped lips and stale mouths, but Kylo poured every bit of the relief he felt into the motions of his lips, feeling a similar desperation from Hux.

They broke apart, then, both breathing heavily but mercifully not coughing for once. Hux then prodded him towards the refresher and Kylo went, not fully understanding where this was going but wanting it all the same. All the fear and tension he’d been holding inside since they’d seen the announcement was gone, leaving Kylo almost giddy.

Once in the refresher, Hux was on him again, pushing him up against the sink. Kylo clutched at him, moaning lightly into the kiss. He wanted more, he realized, wanted this to go further and why else would Hux have shuttled him in here if he didn’t want the same? It was the one place they were free from possible discovery.

Hux started on the ties to Kylo’s medbay gown then paused, looking up. “Do you want this, Ren?”

Kylo nodded enthusiastically, his mouth dry and his cock starting to fill just from the idea of it. Hux, seeming satisfied, went back to untying Kylo’s gown and then undid his own, revealing the skin Kylo had felt against him but never seen. Hux’s body was lithe and the perfect combination of soft yet firm with lean muscle compared to Kylo’s bulk, though they’d both lost some weight during the course of the illness, and Kylo loved what he saw immediately.

Before he could make a move to assist, Hux took his hardening cock in hand and stroked it, forcing a moan out of Kylo’s throat. Then Hux’s lips were on his neck, kissing and nibbling and Kylo was lost, unable to do anything but run his hands over Hux’s body in random patterns hoping it would feel good. He tipped his head to the side, giving Hux more access, and got an appreciative lick in return.

Kylo was losing control already, having spent this whole time without even thinking about touching himself, and then Hux let go, causing Kylo to groan at the loss. Kylo shifted, getting more comfortable where he leaned against the sink, half sitting on it, and watching as Hux gave himself a couple of strokes. Kylo watched, mind hazy with lust, and then reached forward again, running his hands over Hux’s chest.

Then Hux was on him again, taking both their cocks in hand and Kylo reached down to help, closing the circle with his own hand. Hux set the pace at fast and desperate and Kylo followed, squeezing from time to time and making them both gasp. Their panting breaths came out more like wheezes but neither of them cared, both too caught up in the pleasure. It wouldn’t be long now and Kylo had no desire to try to draw it out.

Kylo came first, his head lolling back as he moaned, painting them both with his come. Hux followed shortly after, the slickness from Kylo’s spend helping him along, letting out a beautiful moan as he did so. Hux worked himself through it to the point where Kylo nearly cringed away from oversensitivity and then released them both, sighing as he did so.

A cough bubbled up from Kylo’s throat, breaking the moment, but it didn’t last long. Hux did the same shortly afterward, the bark of it echoing in the small room. It was quickly becoming awkward, them both standing in the refresher, covered in come thanks to an impulsive tryst. Kylo certainly didn’t regret it, but he wasn’t sure how to proceed from here.

Something in Hux’s eyes closed off then, and he pulled away, wiping himself off quickly before he left the refresher without another word. Kylo blinked, confused and a little hurt. Did Hux regret it? They’d already shared a fair amount of intimacy, given how much time they’d spent cuddled together. A shared orgasm after finding out they were actually going to live was hardly the worst of it. Besides, Hux had been the one who started this by kissing him in the first place.

The hurt, though, came from the idea that maybe Kylo had suspected correctly and Hux didn’t want anything to do with him now that they were nearly in the clear. It stung, just like he’d thought it would. But perhaps there was something else to it. Hux didn’t usually do impulsive, so maybe he was just ashamed of that. What they’d built here certainly didn’t need to end just because of a hasty yet mutually pleasurable act. Kylo hadn’t had a chance to fantasize about anything sexual with Hux, given their situation, but now he’d had a taste of it and he realized just how much he wanted more.

Kylo shook his head, trying to get his thoughts to calm down, and cleaned the come off his belly followed by closing the ties on his gown again. He left the refresher and found Hux in his bed, lying in the centre of it instead of a bit to the side. He’d also picked up his datapad again, something Kylo hadn’t seen since their illness had gotten serious.

The message was clear: Kylo was no longer wanted in Hux’s bed. The hurt returned and Kylo tried not to look as miserable as he felt as he went back to his own bed, cold from lack of use. He’d known this was entirely possible, even likely, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. Still, Kylo wanted to maintain at least some of their civility.

“What are you working on?” he asked, trying to get comfortable with lying alone for the first time in days.

“I’m just reading the reports of the officers I assigned as delegates,” Hux said, not looking up from the screen. “Nothing of interest occurred as they stuck to the plans I’d set in motion before all this.”

“That’s good,” Kylo said, trying to sound like he meant it.

“I also want to type up a statement regarding our disease and the state of the rest of the infected,” Hux continued, still not even glancing Kylo’s way. “I’ll run it by you either today or tomorrow.”

Kylo grunted in acknowledgment and rolled over, suddenly having much less of an interest in staying awake. They were still recovering, he reasoned, so more sleep would do him good. If it also had the benefit of allowing Kylo to temporarily escape the sudden coldness Hux directed at him then, well, that was all the better. It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did, considering he’d known this was a possible outcome, yet something in his chest still ached. Hux may not have wanted to die alone, but now that Kylo had had a taste of the alternative, he wasn’t sure he wanted to _live_ alone.

* * *

It took another few days before their symptoms fully cleared up and then another few more before they could be released. The time was filled with awkward silences and stilted conversation and Kylo hated it. It was almost like it had been at the beginning, except without as much hostility. That was an improvement, he supposed, but he still longed for the time in the middle, when the barriers had been broken down and they’d both been too sick and scared to worry about shame.

Of course, Kylo was happy that he was getting better, it was just that being so sick and everything that had come with it had changed how he saw things. He understood Hux better now than he ever had before and he felt like Hux understood him in turn. They’d cleared up their misunderstandings and they were truly working well together, even while still in quarantine, but Kylo couldn’t help remembering what Hux’s body felt like pressed up against his.

He tried to remember that soon they’d be free and maybe that would change things. Kylo still thought it was possible that some time away from Hux would change the way he felt and part of him hoped for that, that he could just move on like nothing had happened just like Hux seemed to be. The rest of him, though, still hungered for more of what they’d had before, not content with simply being grateful for having had it at all. It was difficult to ignore, but Kylo tried his best, focusing on taking back control of the Order with Hux and meditation when he could.

When the day of their release finally came, Kylo could barely keep himself occupied. He was restless now that he didn’t have the disease to eat up all of his energy anymore. Sleeping all day was no longer possible and there was only so much he could do in a small room with a datapad. He wasn’t like Hux, that way.

The droid took a final blood sample, reviewing it itself and then sending it off to Viska and the others in the lab for review. Yesterday, they’d appeared to be clear, more samples being taken from other parts of their bodies to be sure. The medics had ultimately decided to keep them one more day, for safety’s sake, and neither Hux nor Kylo had argued despite their desire to leave this room. After all of this, they didn’t want anyone else in the Order to catch the disease. They’d lost enough of the others who were afflicted with it.

Finally, Viska arrived after dinner to inform them they were officially being released. Kylo almost wanted to kiss Hux, like Hux had done to him when they’d first been told they were going to live, but he refrained, sure that wouldn’t end well. Hux had remained cold and distant to him for the remainder of their captivity and kissing him in front of another officer was surely not the way to melt the wall of ice between them.

When the room was unsealed and the airlock opened, Kylo couldn’t help a deep breath, the recycled air of the ship never tasting so fresh. They’d given him and Hux a fresh set of clothes before, too, and Kylo was glad to have his robes back. The previous ones had been sent out an airlock, as had Hux’s uniform. His lightsaber, though, along with the holocron that had started all of this and that Kylo had completely forgotten about, had been sterilized and the familiar weight on his hip was comforting. That had been the longest he’d gone without his weapon since he’d made it.

He and Hux walked through the corridor to their respective quarters, the awkwardness of the silence overridden by how good it felt to be free. As soon as Kylo made it back, he was going to take a shower and sleep in a real bed. He could smell himself even through his clean robes, not having had a shower in the roughly three weeks they were quarantined.

They reached the point at which they would separate and they both naturally came to a stop. Kylo chewed on his lip, unsure what the appropriate parting words were in this situation. If someone had told him before that he was actually going to miss being locked in a room with Hux, even a little bit, he might have killed them while he laughed.

“Well, Ren, I guess we will be in touch,” Hux said, looking as uncomfortable as Kylo felt.

“Yes,” he said, then felt stupid for it. “You should arrange a meeting soon. To discuss where things are going from here.”

“Of course,” Hux said, shifting on his feet. “I’ll send you an invite once it’s set up. We’ve been out of touch with the Order for too long.”

“Indeed.”

They both just looked at each other for a moment and then Hux bid him goodnight and took his leave. Kylo wanted to say something more, but he wasn’t sure what, so he let Hux go, cursing himself. Shaking his head at his own awkwardness, Kylo went to his own quarters, sighing in pleasure once he was behind the door. They weren’t much, far less extravagant than Snoke’s had been, but they were _his_ and he’d missed them.

The shower was blissful, Kylo deciding to flaunt the recommended shower length rule for officers and enjoy the hot water as long as he wanted to. He was the Supreme Leader; no one would question him on it. Well, Hux might, but he imagined even Hux was doing the same right now. Weeks of fever sweat and grime were enough to warrant it, in Kylo’s opinion.

Once he felt clean for the first time since setting foot on Argovia, Kylo dried himself and didn’t bother dressing as he got ready for bed. It was amazing how good it felt to have even the smallest parts of his everyday life back. When he finally got into bed, his bare skin sliding against the cool sheets, he sighed in bliss. Kriff, how he’d missed such a simple feeling.

A fleeting thought to how he would’ve preferred if Hux were in bed with him, the two of them wrapped around each other despite the size of the bed, entered his mind. Kylo frowned and pushed it away. He could worry about that particular problem once he’d had some proper sleep and life had returned to normal. On the bright side, he supposed, at least he no longer had to worry about whether or not his breakfast was poisoned.

* * *

Things returned to normal uncomfortably quickly. Despite a few dozen of their own being lost to the plague, morale was high among the troops. Most of the afflicted did end up surviving, due to the aggressive treatment, and both Kylo and Hux had survived. In the face of a disease that could have decimated the Finalizer had things gone differently, the outcome was seen as nothing short of miraculous. Hux had prepared an announcement lauding the medical officers for their efforts and Kylo had happily signed off on it. Viska and the others more than deserved the accolades.

Kylo and Hux also met with the officers Hux had delegated his duties to and it seemed the Order had functioned just fine without them. Nothing new had been started, which did set them back some, but many of the endeavours that had already been underway when they fell ill had seen progress. Hux had chosen well, as Kylo had known he would, and it was almost as if they’d never been missed.

It felt strange in the face of all they’d gone through in there. Everything had continued on without them with very little change, meanwhile Kylo felt like he’d gone through something transformative. He hadn’t been that close to death since Starkiller and he knew from experience that it put things into perspective. He wanted to be more involved with the Order rather than the distant leader he’d been, wanted to be someone who deserved the title. Alone, Kylo wasn’t sure if he could do that, but now that he had Hux to help and they could work together, perhaps it was something he could accomplish.

As for Hux, Kylo continued to be frustrated by their situation. He shouldn’t be, he knew, but the feelings that had arisen during their time in quarantine stubbornly refused to go away. It wasn’t as if anything was bad between them; on the contrary, they were more civil and professional with each other than they’d ever been. But that’s exactly what it was: professional. Hux treated him politely yet distantly, like any other person he worked with that he didn’t entirely despise. Kylo felt like they’d shared too much to simply be colleagues, regardless of their ranks.

He wanted to talk to Hux about it, but there seemed no opportune time. Most of their interactions were done via comm, in meetings with others, or in public places such as the bridge. Such situations did not allow for such a personal talk and Kylo knew Hux wouldn’t react well to being pulled away from his duties to hear about Kylo’s feelings, even on the off chance he shared them. Kylo wanted to believe he did, but the evidence so far was not in his favour.

Perhaps that was part of it, Kylo wondered. Maybe he hadn’t found a good time to talk to Hux about this because he knew there was a strong chance he’d be rejected. Surely, he could’ve found an opportunity by now; after all, they’d been released for nearly a month. The realization irked him; Kylo didn’t like to think it was his own cowardice that was holding him back.

So now here he was, sending a message to Hux to request that they meet after Hux’s shift was over. He chewed his lip and bounced his leg as he waited for a response, sitting in his quarters. Hux would likely assume it wasn’t a personal meeting and Kylo had no intention of correcting him until he was actually there. This was his chance and he wasn’t going to risk Hux refusing him outright.

Hux accepted the meeting request and Kylo let out a breath, more relieved than he should have been. It did leave him with a few hours to kill, time that would surely be spent working himself into an anxious frenzy, so Kylo decided to use that time to work out. Even on Argovia, he’d felt somewhat out of practice, but after weeks of being sick and barely able to move, his stamina was even worse. It also afforded him the opportunity to take his anxieties and frustrations out on the training equipment.

After spending the better part of the evening in his private training room, Kylo still felt annoyingly nervous. He returned to his quarters to shower and clean up, knowing that showing up reeking of sweat wouldn’t help the situation either. Kriff, he felt like he was some schoolboy trying to impress his crush. He was the Supreme Leader of the First Order; he could do this.

Hux’s quarters granted him access immediately and Kylo found him at his desk, working as he always was. Even after all this time, it felt good seeing Hux looking much healthier than he had when they’d been sick. Hux always looked a little too pale and like he hadn’t slept well enough, but it was still a marked improvement from how he’d been in the medbay, looking almost like a corpse. Kylo could still clearly picture the way he’d struggled for air, blood dripping down his chin.

“Ren,” said Hux, looking up to greet him, “come in.”

Kylo took a seat in the chair on the other side of Hux’s desk. “How are things going?”

It was a stupid question and Kylo knew it, but he wanted to ease into this. He told himself it was because he Hux would likely respond better to it and not because he was stalling.

“Everything’s going well,” he said, and then his lips twisted into a self-satisfied smirk. “I have a new project I think will be very fruitful.”

“Oh?”

“The medbay kept samples of the bacteria we were infected with for study,” Hux explained. “I’m going to give one batch to the bioweapons division. I think we can weaponize it.”

Kylo raised his eyebrows. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, we nearly died.”

“Yes, but we didn’t, largely because of the First Order’s medical capabilities.” Hux looked entirely smug now. “Most remaining Resistance-sympathizing worlds don’t have anything near what we do and even those that do would still be distracted by a pandemic. It would take out much of their forces.”

Kylo didn’t mean to laugh, but the chuckle escaped before he could stop it. “Well, I suppose it’s not the worst idea, then.”

“It’s an excellent idea,” Hux said, looking mildly affronted. “Of course, ideally we’d engineer it to be more potent, but the risks that would carry should there be a containment leak would be too great. I think it would do just fine in its native form, so long as we can find a safe way to introduce it to the target populace. The medbay is also working on a vaccine which, if successful, would mean we could inoculate our own against it.”

Kylo shook his head, still amused, but he couldn’t deny the brilliance of the plan. “Carry on, then, Grand Marshal. That certainly could be a boon.”

Hux seemed satisfied with that. “Now, what did you wish to speak to me about?”

Kylo chewed on his lip, his nerves suddenly coming back. “I wanted to discuss what happened while we were in quarantine.”

Hux furrowed his brow, so Kylo continued, “I know you want to act like nothing happened, but I can’t, Hux. I can’t stop thinking about it. I need to know if-”

Hux stood, interrupting Kylo’s speech. Then he was rounding on him, something dangerous in his eyes. Kylo couldn’t tell if he was angry, or if it was another kind of passion. He desperately hoped for the latter.

Then Hux was leaning down, claiming Kylo’s lips with his own and Kylo melted into it, his words forgotten. Hux’s tongue slipped into his mouth and oh, this was so much better when they both had functioning lungs and their mouths weren’t stale. Hux’s lips were soft yet firm against his own and Kylo could’ve kept kissing him forever.

They broke apart only when the need for air became too great. Despite the hunger in the kiss, Kylo still had doubts, wondered if Hux really felt the same or just considered him a convenient source of sex. This had all started with Hux using him for comfort while they were dying, after all. Kylo opened his mouth, intending to ask exactly what Hux meant by the kiss.

Hux pressed a finger to his lips, stopping him. “Don’t speak. The only thing I want to hear from you is a yes or a no to the following question.”

He paused, then, running the hand on Kylo’s lips down his chin and neck, all the way to his chest. Hux moved lower still, making Kylo shiver. It was clear what Hux wanted, but Kylo still needed to know _why_ , if this was just sex or something more. It was getting hard to resist, though, with the blood starting to flow away from Kylo’s brain.

“Do you want to do this?” Hux finally asked, his fingers sitting on Kylo’s stomach right above the top of his pants.

“Yes,” Kylo said, arching his hips towards Hux’s hand. “I want it.”

With that, Hux took his hand away and tugged him up, leading him to the bedroom. Kylo went along, deciding that talking could wait until they’d had their way with each other. He wanted Hux too badly to refuse.

Hux’s lips were on his again as soon as they were near the bed and Kylo could feel Hux working on the clasps of his clothing. Hux’s tongue slipped passed his lips again and Kylo moaned into the kiss, his hands spurred to action to help divest Hux of his uniform in turn. Kylo already knew this was going to be far better than the rushed tryst they’d had in the refresher and the thought of what was about to happen made his knees weak.

Soon, Kylo’s tunic had been removed and his pants were undone and he’d just gotten his hands under Hux’s undershirt when Hux pulled away. Kylo chased after him, his lips tingling from the kisses, but Hux just stepped back and began removing his uniform proper. Kylo followed suit, nearly tripping over his pants in his hurry to get them off.

Once they were both naked, they just stared at each other, taking in the revealed skin they’d never fully seen before. Kylo had seen part of Hux before, in the medbay, but now there was nothing blocking his view. He was gorgeous, lean and pale, like he was made of marble. Kylo felt his cock twitch just looking at him and at the realization that Hux was appraising him in turn, eyes positively ravenous.

The moment ended when Hux stalked towards him and pushed Kylo onto the bed. Kylo went, boneless, and then Hux was climbing on top of him, plundering his mouth once again. Hux’s attention was overwhelming and Kylo wanted nothing more than to reciprocate, but all he could manage was running his hands along Hux’s back as they kissed, feeling the little shudders that ran down Hux’s spine when he moved his hands just right.

Hux pulled away again and then he was leaving wet, sucking kisses down Kylo’s neck and chest, pausing at one of his nipples and making Kylo nearly shout in surprise at the sensation. He was relentless, biting just hard enough to bring Kylo to that edge between pain and pleasure, and then he moved on to the other nipple, giving it the same attention. Kylo felt like he was being _devoured_ and he’d never been happier for it.

Hux continued to work his way down until he made it to Kylo’s hard cock, giving a long, slow lick from his balls to the tip. Kylo shuddered, moaning, and twitched his hips up, asking for more. Hux just smirked at him, looking predatory, and then pulled away completely to grab something from the drawer. When he settled back between Kylo’s legs, he was warming a bottle of lube between his hands.

Kylo’s mouth went dry, desire pooling in his gut near the base of his cock. He’d known, or at least strongly suspected, where this would lead, but seeing it actually happening was something else entirely. He wanted it so badly, both the pleasure and the intimacy. He’d missed feeling close to Hux and now they were about to get closer than they’d ever been.

Hux uncapped the bottle, pouring some into his hand and slicking his fingers. “Relax for me, Ren.”

That was the only warning Kylo got before Hux’s finger was prodding at his ass and Kylo tensed on instinct, then relaxed, letting Hux slide his finger in. He was gentle, Kylo noticed, which he hadn’t expected, especially with the way Hux had all but attacked him when they were kissing. Before, on the rare occasion Kylo had wondered what Hux might be like in bed, he’d always pictured him to be rough and utterly selfish. The way Hux rubbed a soothing hand over Kylo’s stomach while he slipped a second finger in was far from that.

By the time they’d worked up to a third, Kylo was moaning with every press inside, Hux’s hand angled perfectly. He moved his hips into every thrust, ready for more and wanting Hux to take the hint. Infuriatingly, though, Hux seemed quite content to keep stretching and teasing him like this forever.

“Hux,” Kylo moaned. “I’m ready.”

Hux seemed pleased with that, finally pulling his fingers out. “All right, all right.”

Kylo watched as Hux then slicked up his cock and climbed between Kylo’s spread legs. The first press of Hux’s cock against his hole had Kylo inhaling sharply, anticipation only make the heat inside him build further. Fortunately, Hux took pity on them both and slowly pushed in, filling Kylo up just how he’d hoped.

They were both panting by the time Hux bottomed out and they stayed still for a moment, just breathing and adjusting. Hux was so hot inside him, fitting just right and Kylo clenched, making Hux shudder against the sensation. He was about to ask Hux to move but, just before he did, Hux pulled his hips back and snapped them forward, punching a moan out of Kylo’s throat.

Hux set a steady pace, fucking into Kylo at just the right angle to have Kylo clutching at the sheets. Pleasure raced up Kylo’s spine with every thrust, building rapidly inside him. It was so good and they fit together so well and soon he was moaning with every thrust, in time with the hisses and moans coming from Hux above.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” Hux managed, panting as he sped up the movements of his hips. “I love seeing you like this, spread out for me.”

Kylo cried out again, the words sending lightning down his spine and making his toes curl. He reached up, seeking more, _craving_ it, and laced his hands behind Hux’s neck, pulling down to press Hux’s chest against his own. Hux made a noise of surprise but let it happen, covering Kylo with his body. The angle made it even better, allowing Hux to thrust in just a bit deeper, and they both groaned in appreciation of the feeling. Kylo shifted his hands to Hux’s back, clutching at his shoulders and pressing Hux against him, not wanting even an inch of separation between them.

Hux was rutting into him faster now and Kylo knew he was close, so he arched up a little and wrapped his legs around Hux to get even closer together, his hips twitching and cock sliding against Hux’s stomach with every thrust, giving Kylo the last bit of stimulus he needed. He could feel Hux’s lips against his neck, whispered words of appreciation and praise slipping out between wet, affectionate kisses laved against the sensitive skin that drove Kylo even higher.

“…so tight, so good, just like this. I’m close, Kylo.”

Soon enough Hux drove in a few more times and then came, his pelvis pressed flush against Kylo’s ass, moaning into Kylo’s neck. Kylo scrambled to slip a hand between them, stroking himself hard and fast and he finished shortly after with a cry, his whole body tensing and his vision whiting out. Hux gasped, his hips twitching forward once more at the feeling of Kylo clenching around him and then they both stilled, panting in the aftermath.

It took a few minutes before either of them could move and, once Kylo let his legs fall back to the bed, Hux pulled out, only making it as far as rolling off Kylo and lying beside him. That certainly hadn’t been what Kylo had envisioned when he’d come down here but kriff, he wasn’t complaining. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d come that hard.

 “Well,” Hux said, no longer sounding out of breath.

 “Yes,” Kylo agreed.

“I presume that’s what you came here for, then?” Hux asked, shifting on the bed beside him.

Kylo turned to look at him, finding Hux laying on his side now, watching Kylo with a calculating look in his eyes. “No, it actually wasn’t. I’m not complaining, though.”

“Oh,” Hux said, frowning, “I’m not sure what you meant then, I just thought…”

“Hux,” Kylo said, wanting to stop whatever terrible thing was surely about to happen in Hux’s head, “I enjoyed it. I wanted it, and I did come to talk to you about what happened while we were in quarantine, but not that part specifically.”

Hux continued to look displeased, so Kylo soldiered on, figuring he was already in this deep. “It wasn’t just the sex but… We can’t keep pretending nothing changed. At least, it changed for me. I like having sex with you but I also enjoyed sleeping with you, feeling you against me when I woke. I enjoyed talking to you, hearing the secrets you’ve never told anyone else before. I enjoyed just being around you and I… I want that again. I want us to be more than just two people who have to work together or two people who have sex. I want _more_.”

Hux blinked and then looked down at the bed, like he didn’t want to meet Kylo’s eyes anymore. “What are you saying, Ren? Are you saying you have… feelings for me?”

“Yes,” Kylo said, keeping his expression more confident than he felt even though Hux wasn’t looking at him, “that’s exactly what I’m saying. And I think you feel something too.”

“Ren, I…” Hux cut off, frowning at the sheets. “You can’t just…”

“If it all truly meant nothing to you and it really never grew beyond just not wanting to die alone, then tell me,” Kylo challenged. “If that’s the case, then I’ll leave and pretend none of it ever happened. But if it does mean something to you, even if it didn’t at first…”

Kylo stopped, chewing at his lip. His bravado was failing in the face of Hux’s lack of response. The way Hux had fucked him, though, and praised him, spoken to him like they were lovers… Kylo was sure that wasn’t normal for Hux if it didn’t mean anything. Hux had even called him _Kylo_ , for Force’s sake, something he’d never done before.

“I must admit, I wondered if you actually meant anything you said while we were quarantined,” Hux began and Kylo didn’t need to ask what he meant, “but you really do seem to be keeping your word.”

“I meant it,” Kylo said, willing Hux to believe him. “I swear, I will never hurt you again. And if I do, you have my full permission to go back to trying to kill me. I would deserve you succeeding.”

Hux looked up at that, amused. “Well, I do have several ideas I never got to try.”

Kylo rolled his eyes. “Of course you do. Now, will you answer my question?”

Hux made a face, apparently unhappy to be reminded of the topic at hand. But Kylo would not be swayed. He needed to know, even if getting emotions out of Hux was like pulling teeth. Kylo wanted to believe that Hux’s hesitance meant he’d get the answer he wanted, but there was always the voice of doubt he could never quite silence.

“You’re insufferable,” Hux said, then sighed. “All right, fine, you caught me. Due to our extended period of time forced together, despite my better judgement, it seems I have developed some fondness for you.”

The pink on Hux’s cheeks betrayed his tone and Kylo knew this was probably the closest thing to a love confession Hux would ever give. Kylo couldn’t help smiling, unabashed. It wasn’t something one would see in a holofilm, but he’d take it.

“In that case,” Kylo started, forcing his face straight, “I want you to rule with me. As equals or whatever arrangement we can come up with that’s closest to it.”

There was a quick flash of panic on Hux’s face, followed by a mixture of relief and interest. Had Hux thought he was proposing? Kylo definitely wanted to consider that, but even he knew it was too soon. He did want to spend the rest of his life with Hux, if he could, but he was also aware that this was only the beginning for them, no matter how tempting it sometimes was to get ahead of himself.

“You know, if I accept, you’ll need to give me a new title,” Hux said, the corner of his lips twitching up and betraying what he wanted. “Perhaps something like co-Emperor might be appropriate, if you truly mean ‘as equals’ and are willing to go with a less dramatic title for yourself.”

“Whatever you want,” Kylo said, his chest warming at the ‘co-’ and what it implied: partnership. “I do mean it and I don’t care about the specifics as long as I have you. You and I both know you’re already doing most of the work anyway.”

Hux reached up with the arm he wasn’t leaning on and tapped his chin thoughtfully. “That is true. All right, I suppose I will accept your offer, if only to keep you from doing something foolish like bringing another plague on board, of course.”

Kylo opened his mouth to reply, indignant, but Hux leaned forward and interrupted him with a kiss. Kylo immediately let it go, letting himself get lost in the kiss instead. It was shockingly tender and Kylo thought this was a much better way to end one of their arguments. Any doubts he had left melted away under the press of Hux’s lips, the kiss feeling too much like a promise of its own for there to be any room left for uncertainties.

“You’re still insufferable, just so you know,” Hux said as they parted.

“And yet you’re still here and you haven’t kicked me out yet,” Kylo said, feeling appropriately smug.

Hux moved closer then, getting comfortable, and Kylo got the message, tangling himself with Hux like they had back in the medbay. The bed was much larger here, but Kylo could feel Hux relaxing as they settled in. He wanted it as much as Kylo did and that knowledge spread warmly through Kylo’s chest. It felt nice, being wanted.

“You’re right, I haven’t,” Hux said once they were comfortable, cuddled close.

Kylo hummed a noise of acknowledgement. He felt light, happy and content in a way he honestly couldn’t remember feeling before. It had taken so much for them to get here, both of them narrowly surviving the experience, yet they’d done it. And, in the end, Kylo supposed he had indeed convinced Hux to stop trying to kill him. He hadn’t expected it to lead to this, being wrapped up together in Hux’s bed as Hux gently ran his fingers through Kylo’s hair, but he wasn’t foolish enough to question it. After all, no one wanted to die alone, yet sweeter still was not having to _live_ alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand here we are at the end! Thank you so much to those who've read and left any form of feedback. The months spent working on this have been a lot of fun and I'm so grateful to my wonderful partner for all their hard work and the gorgeous art I have to pair with this. I've never done a big bang before and while it was definitely a lot of work, I loved it immensely.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed reading this fic as much as I have writing it!

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out with me on [tumblr](http://kyluxtrashpit.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](http://twitter.com/kyluxtrashpit/) too


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